Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Handout (04/14/11)
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TITLE: Beyond Tattered Clothes | Previous Challenge Entry
By Jennifer Hill
04/21/11 -
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“It’ll go good with the pants we got him. “ Little Rachael answered.
Becky was getting her family ready for a much anticipated vacation. She’d already taken care of her and Rachael’s wardrobe. Now she was picking up a few new things for her husband Jake.
“Mommy, I’m hungry when are we meeting Daddy?”
Becky checked her watch and realized she’d better get a move on in order to get to the restaurant on time. She quickly changed gears and they were soon on their way.
Becky’s car pulled to a stop at an intersection. Rachael was sitting in her booster seat coloring. Becky impatiently tapped her fingers on the steering wheel, as she reviewed her memorized list of things she still needed to do in order to be ready for their trip.
“Mommy, who’s that man?” Rachael asked in a concerned voice.
“What man?” Becky asked without pulling her attention away from her thoughts.
“The one with the sign, he looks like he needs to go home and get a bath.” Rachael smiled at the man and even waved.
Becky looked up to see a man standing on the corner of the intersection nearest them. Rachael’s description fit. The sign read ‘Please Help.’ The man wore tattered clothes and a tired but kind face.
Becky checked the light, still red. She grabbed her purse and pulled out a twenty.
Rachael asked, “What does it say?”
“Please Help.” Becky began to roll down the window, when scary stories of situations like this came to mind. What if he wasn’t what he seemed? What if he just wanted money for booze or drugs? What if he was just waiting for an unsuspecting kind soul to take advantage of or worse just wanted to hurt them? What if…
Becky looked at her daughter in the rearview mirror. She was still smiling and waving at the man. The man smiled back. Rachael was waiting and watching to see what her mommy would do. Becky checked the light, still red. She checked the dashboard clock, she was running late. She looked over to the man and his sign, still needing. The thoughts in Becky’s mind began to race against Bible verses to her final decision. She sent a quick prayer request for God to be with her on this.
She rolled the window back up and inched her way over to the side of the road. She smiled at the man and this time rolled down the window all the way. The man walked over to her side of the car.
“Can I help you?” The man said this to her! Becky smiled back, noticing his eyes were the warmest she thought she’d ever seen.
“Actually, I uh,” She glanced down at the sign and back up. The twenty was still in her hand, but it didn’t feel like enough. She grabbed the bag of clothes off the seat. Jake hadn’t really needed anything, she thought. “Here these look like they should fit.” She handed him the bag. Then she grabbed the stack of gift cards she’d earlier picked up to use as cash on their long drive to and from and for their vacation stay. Then she offered the twenty with the three others she had.
“I wish I had more to give, I’m sorry.” She told him, desiring to do much more.
“Thank you.” The man said back to her.
“Can I offer you a ride somewhere?” Becky asked, trusting the warmth she saw in the man’s eyes.
“My own place is nearby, all you’ve done for me,” he continued with a smile, “It is good.” Then he headed back off the street.
Becky felt almost mechanical as she steered the car back into the lane, again with a red light. She had a strange feeling. She looked back over to the street corner and all around. The man was gone.
“Mommy, what does it say now?” Rachael asked looking towards the corner. The sign was propped up against the lamp post. Becky spotted the sign, wonder filled her whole being.
“It says, ‘Well Done.’”
The light turned green and Becky pulled ahead, tears brimming with an excited beat to her heart. She couldn’t wait to tell Jake what had just happened!
Rachael was back to coloring and was now singing, Becky joined her daughter joyfully as they sang, This Little Light of Mine.
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The ending was sweet, but like waking up and finding out it was a dream, the angel unknown is also overused.
It's just my thought but I think I would have enjoyed Mom explaining how important it is to give at the end.
But I really liked that the sign was still there and the daughter saw it. Nice job, great message and delightful characters with realistic dialog. :)