Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Eternity (03/10/11)
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TITLE: Where will my soul go when my body is dead? | Previous Challenge Entry
By Tiara Huffman
03/17/11 -
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Where will my soul go when my body is dead?
A hand reached out and took mine,
For the end was approaching.
Cancer had taken its toll,
And tonight I will take my final stroll.
“My sweet girl,” My mother cried.
“I want to be with you when I die.”
“So sweet girl say this prayer,
So the someday I know I will see you there.”
And again it rang through my head.
Where will my soul go when my body is dead?
I closed my eyes and bowed my head,
And repeated every word she said.
With tears in her eyes she asked,
“Is there anything I can do for you?”
My last wish was to see the stars
She rolled my outside, and upwards I gazed.
To this I was truly amazed.
Because of one man,
I had thee answer to my life’s question.
Where will my soul go when my body is dead?
A figure I could see coming this way.
And out he stretched his hand.
“Eternity awaits. Are you ready to meet the King?” the angle said.
This is where my soul will go when my body is dead?
I kissed my mom and said goodbye,
Because I now know what lies on the other side.
No more tears and no more pain.
My soul will rest where there is only joy to gain.
The angel took me to the throne,
And I knew that I was home.
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I believe the word angle should have been angel.
Because of one man." How true!This was among my favorite lines in the poem. It makes the answer to your question more meaningful.
I would re-read my entry before submitting to correct any spelling errors. i.e. I think you meant the for thee, and me for my. Also, you might want to move towards a shorter title.
The poem had great rhythm and the concurring refrain gave a lyrical lift. Great message!
:-)
[i]"recurring[/i] refrain gave a lyrical lift."
Just a little red ink: "thee answer" was written instead of "the answer." Also, it seemed almost (at first) like the girl was saying the prayer just to make her mother happy. That is, until you came to the part about "I know that one man died for me." That brought it more into perspective and showed that she truly did believe in her own heart.
All in all, it was a lovely poem and wonderful idea!