The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Some of your longer sentences could be shortened...BUT this piece has a wonderful writer's "voice". I can see this place in my mind's eye--you were certainly blessed to have it.
Well... this was a great, constructive piece of writing... but constructive is the word wrong here. Kind of like a house (as per the title), it wasn't an enjoyable, easy to read narrative. I found myself getting a bit lost in the building of your words to feel something when it got to the final level.
That's just me though. Some people like big, "constructive" words and stories.
I love the Sugar Crisp on the counter for me and not my brothers! You do a good job of painting a picture of your love for grandparts/parents/familyand their love for you. Some of the sentences are way too long and cumbersome, however. The very first sentence seems to go on forever. Grammar needs work. Too many semi-colons.
Emil, I was acting as one of the Level 1 judges for the Bon Voyage challenge, and I thought this was a terrific story. Yes, some of the sentences need to be tightened, but I really do look forward to seeing more from you in the Challenge in the future. With love, Deb (Challenge Coordinator)