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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Ow! (01/07/10)
THE PALM OF HIS HAND

“Mommy, I’m hurt.” I heard my little daughter’s cry.
I looked and saw pain coming from her eyes.
I heard her whimper and wanted to dry every tear
Holding her close I wanted to drive away her fears.

Then I thought of my Father who loves my daughter more
Than I ever could have and even before
The world was formed thought of giving His son
To die in my place so the battle would be won.

The battle of fear, of discouragement, and pain
And the greatest battle of death, one that He overcame
When He took on Himself our scars and our sins
He knew the battle wasn’t one we could easily win

So He suffered and died that we might have life
But that doesn’t mean we will be free from strife
Or from worries, or troubles, or from pain
But it does mean that our Father knows each of our names

And that He holds us all in the palm of His hands
To keep us from harm and give us strength to stand
To confront our problems whatever we face
Our Father continually washes us with His grace.

He has promised that He knows of each of our needs
Before we can ask or before we can plead.
He told us He will never see His seed begging bread
Nor that our enemies would defeat us, so there’s no reason to dread.

I cuddled my daughter and I dried her wet tears
Knowing that my Father was close and could hear
My prayers and my groaning no matter how weak
And that my enemy was defeated and underneath my feet.

So I will finish my day knowing my Father is near
Resting assured that if I need You, You will be here.
Thank you God, from a mother that needs you so much.
You’re as close as my whisper, as close as my touch.
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Member Comments
Member
Date
Colin Swann
01/14/10
I enjoyed the truth of what you were portraying in your poem. Thank you for sharing!
Colin
Charla Diehl
01/14/10
I liked the Biblical references throughout this poem and found it to be inspirational and reassuring. The only red ink would be to watch your meter. When it gets uneven the flow of the poem is interrupted. Other than that, good job.
Amanda Brogan
01/14/10
Great poem! Showing how God loves His children more than earthly parents can ever love theirs is a great touch. (Matthew 7:9-11) All the words go together beautifully!
DANIEL MBAJIORGU
01/16/10
Beautiful message though not much of the Ow! And like Charla pointed out, your rhymes and your metres are not quite straight. I too used to have the same problems. But once you keep on writing, you'll very soon have the mastery. Keep it up!
Jan Ackerson
01/18/10
Lovely poem with a nice rhyme scheme and an important message.

A few tweaks of the meter might make the flow a bit smoother.

I've started a class in the FaithWriters forums for Beginner and Intermediate writers. I'd love to see you there--look for "Jan's Writing Basics".

I enjoyed this poem very much!