The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
You could probably expand this more and really capture your reader. You have 750 words to work with.
Keep an eye on the tenses. There were a few shifts from past to present and back again.

This has the makings of a really great story.
I wondered if there were tones of Indiana Jones here. Or perhaps a further sequel in the Mummy series!
On a more reflective note, I found your story somewhat disturbing. Stories in FaithWriters don't necessarily have to have a Christian theme - I myself have written about trolls and about dragons before now! But I was concerned that your story (probably unintentionally) seemed to glorify magic and the powers of the undead. Of course it's possible that it was all meant to be tongue-in-cheek (as in the Mummy trilogy) in which case I must have missed the humour. Feel free to PM me to discuss this further