The Official Writing Challenge
This article has been read 707 times
Member Comments
This was very good. If only we could all come to know Him that easily.
I really enjoyed reading this story. Knowing who wrote it makes it even better. Hopefully there was some pleasure in the writing. You did a great job getting your message across. The only critique I will give is that when your MC was upset with the mail recieved at first, I thought he was upset because they missed the meaning of Christmas. It didn't take very long for me to realize I was mistaken.

Your writing is much more advanced than my teenage sons'. That is a talent I, for one, hope to see you continue to work with. :)
Overall, this was a fine piece of writing-certainly beyond beginner level. The story flowed, and every word contributed to the story.

I was just a bit confused on first reading, about where he was at. I assumed he was at work, but later it seems he must have been working at home. There were also one or two word choices that caused me to wonder-waddled out the door? Neither of these would be a major problem to elimiante if you were going to edit further.

Be encouraged. This is a fine first effort.
Your style of writing kept me reading all the way to the end.
You have quite an advanced style for a teenager. Do you enjoy writing? It seems that you have a natural talent for it.
Very good writing! I think you changed your MC's name, though. As far as a mild critique: you have a great talent for using creative words, but you don't always have to use extraordinary words....I was distracted by the word "squelched" used twice. Sometimes ordinary words will keep the reader's attention on the story better than an unusual one. For fiction, you want your reader to be drawn into the story, not just admiring your writing talents. A good point you have made with this piece - nicely done!
Josiah, this is a very good piece of writing. You have ability beyond most teens. I particularly loved your last sentence. Well done, keep using your talent for the Lord.
Loved the analogy of the pig farmers. Agree with Lynne's comment. Keep writing and God bless.

I'm glad Leah noticed the name change but I think she may have missed the significance: as Saul's name was changed when he met with his Saviour, so David became Peter. Biblical names with such significance!