Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Bridge (07/31/08)
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TITLE: Worry and Bridges | Previous Challenge Entry
By carrie roswell
07/31/08 -
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Standing Carrie smoothed the wrinkles in her skirt. Admittedly she was stalling but only in an effort to gather her courage. Taking another quick glance at the pictures on the walls she inwardly scowled, “Those pictures of ships on the wild sea did nothing to calm my nerves, what was their decorator thinking, pictures of horrible storms in a doctor‘s office - twits “. The test were in and here stood the nurse with a kind smile waiting for her to cross the threshold into the Dr.’s office to her dreaded fate no doubt. Meeting the nurses eyes Carrie weakly smiled back. “She should be a poker player for all her eyes give away,” She stared the nurse down with her quiet keen suspicion. In her obvious refusal of encouragement Carrie walked past her toward her assigned room.
The decorum inside the office was no more encouraging then the waiting room. Sail boats were everywhere. “What is with this Dr’s obsession with the nautical theme, no wander I couldn’t get an appointment earlier he was probably sailing” , Carrie’s nerves were tightening , she could no longer sit there.
She began to busy herself with her Dr. Office room rituals. Weighing herself she found she was five pounds heavier then her last appointment. A bad sign for sure. Using the tongue depressor she could see no infection in her throat, but the angle of the mirror and tilt of her head made it impossible to see anything but her tongue reflecting back at her.
Foot steps could be heard in a purposeful stride coming down the hall. Quickly and quietly as not to be heard Carrie hid the tongue depressor in the garbage can under some unused crumbled Kleenex to bury her prying evidence. Taking her seat she awaited the final stamp on her life that would send her to an early grave, just like her mother. Someone was on the other side of the door ,she could hear them pick up the file out of the basket attached to the wall. Seconds felt like hours as she waiting for the handle to turn. It must be a sign that he was taking so long. Carrie was sure the Doctor just didn’t know how to break the bad news to her in a way that wouldn’t send her to the seventh floor for a physic evaluation. Finally the handle turned.
“Ah, Mrs Roswell, how are you today.,” the doctor replied in a sing sound style. At first Carrie was thrown with his pleasant manner but found her tongue quickly,“ I don’t know you tell me,” Though her speech was short her mind continued, “ Had he forgotten about the seriousness of her test or was he just that insensitive?”
Staring at her as if he had lost his train of thought Carrie worried for a moment that she voiced her after thought. With the quick shake of his head he continued,” Yes, right,… Mrs. Roswell, your test have come back with an expected result….”
“I knew it,” Carrie cut the doctor off and reached for a Kleenex she tucked in her sleeve for just this occasion. “How long do I have Doctor?” She asked as she dabbed the tears just now reaching the corner of her eyes.
“A good forty years if you stop gaining weight every time you come here,” he said with an obvious impatience. Mrs Roswell, you are not dying, you do not have your mothers cancer gene, it would be impossible.”
Carrie had stopped with the tears and sat up straighter, “ What do you mean forty years, you said my test had an expected result?”
Closing the file the doctor rose and tucked it under his arm. He bent low to speak directly to her so that maybe this time she would understand, “Mrs. Roswell.. Did you not tell me just before we ran these test the first time that you were adopted?”
“Yes,” she replied with a blank stare obviously oblivious to his meaning
Rising to his full six feet he placed his hand on her shoulder and gently said, “ We will see you next year for your yearly check up.”
Moving towards the door in an attempt to end this appointment he was stopped by one last question.
“What happens if I get sick before then,” she weakly said wringing her hands in worry contemplation.
“We will cross that bridge when we come to it,” he smiled encouragingly and left the office.
Walking down the hall to his private office the doctor wondered how many times he had come to the Lord over and over again with unfounded worry and needless concern.
“Thank you Lord for your faithfulness to me even in my human nature and your word with it’s never-ending love.”
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I would suggest that you NEVER quit writing, but that you find someone to help you work on sentence structure and grammar rules. You are missing quite a few commas, apostrophes, and even periods. Buy books on grammar, talk to friends who have a lot of experience in English, and study sentence structures in everything you read. Your creativity and descriptive abilities are fantastic, and that’s why I pray you keep studying this craft.
I have my daughter proofread everything I write. Even the best writers make mistakes. In fact, they make them quite often. Some great writers, like Hemingway, constantly misspelled words and made structural errors.
One more thing: I think the ending was a little off the mark compared to the rest of the story. Carrie was the center of the story until the very end. That was a little awkward.
Thanks for a fun read and keep writing! And if you do become a famous author, please remember me!
May God bless.
Sincerely,
Dan Blankenship
Beth