The Official Writing Challenge
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My first comment is just add white space - blank lines between paragraphs. It just makes it so much easier on the eyes.

This is well written grammatically; you might want to break up or shorten some sentences.

This is a good documentary - a style which can often come across very dry. You don't want your readers to switch channels.
You certainly know your history! I got lost in some of the dates and names.
Keep writing.
Very rich in facts and historical significance--wow!

Look for a "hook"--a way to capture your readers' interest, especially if it's a subject they might not otherwise read. Some conversation between the world leaders, perhaps, or some descriptive action?

I appreciate all of the work put into this entry--mind-boggling!
Congratulations, Clive, on placing 13th in level 1 with this piece. Great job!