The Official Writing Challenge
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Member
Date
10/18/07
I think you actually have a good flow to your story. You kept my interest and I was hoping that Anna would find help and Love.

I like this word picture, "A feeling of calm laziness swept over Anna..."

Keep writing!!!
10/18/07
You wrote a unique story. Try giving it a bit of a re-write to polish the character and plot and you could have a good beginning to an interesting story!
Excellent example of love, loneliness, and need that one can experience.
10/19/07
A very nice story indeed. You do a lot of showing rather than telling, and that has the marks of good writing. One place where you could revise it is where the minister is explaining to her that the one with open arms is Jesus. That wasn't needed as you brought it in in her prayer - as the Lord spoke to her. Keep the character guessing and the reader as well, but I think the reader was already privy to God being there when you mentioned two voices.
Don
10/21/07
I was a little confused in the first paragraph as if she was having a flash back to the fire or if it was happening then and she just walked off.

You have a nice story line and show great promise with the good pictures you draw with words.
12/14/07
COOL! I love it. ^-^ I hope you liked my accent when I was reading it. ^-^ Keep writing! ^-^ & :)