The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Your descriptions of the MC's thoughts and feelings are excellently told. Bravo. I felt his discontent and then his peace as well. Great job.

If you skipped a line between paragraphs (indents don't show up in this format) it would help the reader's eyes. Also, I thought there were a few places where you needed extra punctuation, but this is very good.
I agree with Kristen...great story, great imagery..could use some spacing for easier reading...Gotta run, I need a glass of milk! :-)
Refreshing and delightful. Ditto on other comments. Enjoyed this piece very much.
Nice! A lot of images tied up in so few words. Good job. :)