The Official Writing Challenge
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This is beautiful. It tells a story from beginning to end and has a wonderful message. As I read it aloud I stumbled over some of the words - trying to fit everything in with the rhythm of the poem. A few of the lines are a little awkward. But - this is a real gem. Keep polishing!
Oh, I agree with the comment above! There is so much to like in this poem! A little polishing of the rhythm will help toward its further enjoyment by your readers. Very nice writing and great message here! Thank you.
Great story! It definitely has much potential. I wonder if it would work better as prose...just a thought. Definitely keep writing. I look forward to reading more of your work.
It IS a gem! You have a way with words, and a bit of editing and polishing will help it be even better!
Well done! I'll look forward to reading more of your works.