The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Powerful and descriptive writing!

In your first several paragraphs, you have at least six similes (using "like") and several more metaphors. They are a useful literary tool, and you've chosen apt comparisons, but perhaps a few too many of them. And a few of your words choices were perhaps not exactly right.

Your writing shows great promise, and you've shown tremendous creativity by choosing this particular topic. Good job!
I enjoyed reading your story.. good job! A challenging topic to choose, but you did well.
Very powerful story. I ditto Jan's comments about the first of your piece. Also, there were some places where I wondered if you had extra words.
Good job.
I ditto the comments above. This is an exciting piece. I liked the action and the message. Watch the possessive tense; i.e, warriors not warrior's. You did take on a tough topic and did it well. You will be moving on soon. Very good!!