The Official Writing Challenge
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You have a way with words. Unfortunately for this father and grandfather a little too gruesome. Good imagination into the spirit world and history; fortunately this was fiction.
Keeping writing. Follow God.
I didn't quite understand the purpose of this article. It was shocking to say the least. Always remember the market you're writing for.
The dialog was well written and you described the subject well. I agree that it was a bit too graphic for my taste but I look forward to reading more of your work.
You have a lot of talent, it's very clear to see. Your description, your sense of drama, your knowledge of grammar and structure are all very evident. However, you are in the wrong market for this piece.

Hollywood markets stories like this...and I'm not saying they don't do well. I am currently involved in a movie ministry so that people can see uplifting stories instead of this type that has no message or point. It's shock for shock's sake. This is Lord of the Flies material here. We are trying to bring hope and encouragement to people, sometimes by the person of Jesus, sometimes simply by encouragement or laughter. We want to give people a reason to be grateful: we have a Savior and He rose from the dead. Because of Jesus, we can rise above these base instincts and become more than our sin nature decrees. We now have power over sin. "Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admireable-if anything is excellent or praiseworthy-think about such things." Philippians 4:7-9, NIV

This story contained not even a hint of hope for our fallen world. We can get that in a news story. In "Remembering the Market" please remember YOUR market. You are a talented writer. Will you be part of the problem or part of the solution? Personally, with this talent, I hope you choose Faithwriters. May God bless and direct you as you develop your talents!
I suppose the only hope seen in this article is the Rain that comes in the end. I think this is the beginning of Noah's Flood, which would explain the gruesomeness of the market day. Life could have been like that back then, when people truly went against God's teachings, when only Noah and 7 others where allowed to retain their life. Everyone else was evil -- very evil.

Probably, which is what I think this is trying to point out, is Noah's Day was way more evil than now. Atleast today, some fear God's judgement.

This piece was shocking, but historical and even a bit educational.

The point I see in this peice, is that God -- just like most of us -- despised the things happening in that market and Flooded the world to prove it.

Look at today and what's happening in the world. God is still in control, but do we fear his judgment? and just like the rain at the end of the story, God is going to do away with sin again and it will be swift.

This is not the market for this, obviously, but I believe it is trying showing God's Judgement and how it is just.

After having read the clarifying comment found after my first comment, I wanted to come back and admit that, being so shocked with the violent images, I missed the rain falling at the end being part of the Flood! I will never again doubt God's need to cleanse the Earth. That's a certainty. The writer certainly has proven that point. With abilities like this, this writer won't be in beginner's for long. If he can shock me so effectively, I'd sure like to see how effectively he could write using other themes. I look forward to seeing what he can do with "Music."
Okay, now the comments on this story are going to look like they came from the Three Stooges...only they're all me! I helped a friend sign up for Faithwriters on my computer tonight and forgot to log her out, so the comment above this one is mine, though it says it belongs to Joan. It's mine all now I'll quit playing Keystone Cops and go to bed!
I'm glad that you got one "excellent"! I think that this is an extremely well written piece. As christians we don't like to see just how bad we have the capability of becoming, but it is there none-the-less. Apart from Christ we all have the ability to look like this. I think that you have hit the right audience. I think it is good to be reminded of what we have been redeemed of. You didn't leave us without hope because you showed the rain and in that rain was God - the only one that can redeem us! Maybe not an easy piece to read but definitely worth it...great job!
Wow -what a powerful piece. A few minor grammar/typo problems -but an amazing piece. You drew me right in with you.
There's no real way to know how horrendous people were in Noah's time, but I appreciate the shocking way that you tried to bring forth your point.

Certainly God thought people were vile; his reason to start over. I don't think a non-Christian would "get" it so I do feel the Christian market is the place for it. It'll grab any Christian by the throat and help us to see the urgency and fate of this world

In turn, it's an eye opener which can help us witness with more fervor. Not usually a fan of "dark" writing, but your talent is evident. Great writing job! Blessings, Jo
Good piece.
"This quickly caused me to rebuke my own sanity. I wanted not to think of it."
You, having written this bit quoted here, should understand the emotion displayed in the comments you received. Good job.
You have a great writing talent that goes well with your vivid imagination! Very gripping tale of what the world might have been like before the flood. Keep writing!!