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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Craft (as in handcraft) (02/08/07)
High school. It’s curfews, college applications, and cramming sessions before finals. It’s “My Space”, mascots, and misplaced hall passes. It’s Clearocil, camera phones, and calculus. It’s prom, powder puff, and a close parking space. It’s dates, detentions, and dressing out for gym. It’s homeroom, home ec, and the homecoming game…which is where Jacki Dunstan (or Jack as her friends called her) and Anna Compton found themselves.

“And our 2007 Leesburg High School Homecoming Queen is…” Ten seventeen-year-old girls nervously awaited the name that would come out of Mr. Rutledge’s mouth. Nine mothers sat in the bleachers hoping that their daughter would be the one who would sit on top of the red convertible and excitedly wave to the crowd while wearing the most glamorous of high school accoutrements—the tiara and sash.

Jack smiled confidently and tried to maintain perfect posture so that the gold sequined gown would lie correctly on her slender frame. Her carefully crafted image would surely result in a Homecoming win! After all, she is the Student Body President, Key Club President, Head Cheerleader, and Track Team Captain—who wouldn’t have voted for her? Hers was a world of pageant dresses, parties, cotillions, and cliques. She had developed a competitive edge that was further honed by her mother, Linda Dunstan, a former pageant queen herself.

Standing on the thirty yard line was Anna. She wasn’t the most popular girl in the senior class; but she was, quite possibly, the kindest. Anyone who knew Anna liked her. She was that friend who would show up at your boring piano recital just to tell you how great you did. She was that girl who would let you borrow her Spanish notes because you accidentally fell asleep during the lecture. Although Anna had a large circle of friends that she sat with each day for lunch, her eyes were always scanning the cafeteria to make sure that nobody was eating alone. If they were, she would immediately walk over to their table and invite them to eat with her. Like Jack, Anna participated in several school activities, although she wasn’t the leader of any of them. Anna’s soccer talent became a metaphor for her life—she never scored the most goals; but she did have the most assists. That was the way Anna lived, setting others up for success often at her own expense.

Now, as she and nine of her classmates awaited the results, she couldn’t help but think of her mom. Anna’s mother, June, had passed away about a month after school started due to a brain aneurysm. She was Anna’s closest confidante, and now, during what should be one of the most fun nights of the year; Anna couldn’t help but think of her. She really didn’t care whether she won or lost. In fact, she was pretty sure that Jack had it in the bag, and that was probably for the best. These sorts of honors meant more to Jack anyway. Anna just wanted her mom.

Mr. Rutledge opened the envelope. From his furrowed brow, the entire crowd could tell something was amiss. He studied the note inside the envelope. “Well…Ladies and gentleman, it appears as though the crowning of our 2007 homecoming queen will take place in just a moment. In the mean time, we have a very special presentation to make. “Mr. Crowder, will you do the honors?” Mr. Crowder, the principal, took the mike. “Many of you knew June Compton. She was one of our most involved and giving mothers. She was active in our parent tutoring program as well as the booster club. June prepared countless teacher luncheons and was the first parent to volunteer when a chaperone was needed. And so, it is with great pleasure that I announce the dedication of June Compton Memorial Stadium!”

With that, the crowd erupted! The other parents loved June and were delighted that she was honored in such a special way. “Additionally, I’m overjoyed to announce that our 2007 homecoming queen is…Anna Compton!” If the crowd was excited before, they were now uncontrollable. As Anna stepped forward and the crown was placed on her head, she couldn’t help but notice the tears streaming down her Dad’s face. Never again would she look up into those bleachers and see her mom and dad together; but that was okay because when she closed her eyes, she could see the face of her mother and heavenly father smiling down upon her.
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Member Comments
Member
Date
Mona Lisa
02/15/07
You touched my tear duct! A well written story. I like the way you opened the envelope in the beginning of your piece and gave the details of your characters through the body of the storyline. A delightful surprise in the end, for the mother who left an indelible mark of character on her daughter.
Jacquelyn Horne
02/17/07
I really liked this. Good story. Such joy and sadness mixed together here. Good writing.
Sharlyn Guthrie
02/17/07
A very touching story! Your writing is excellent. My only suggestion would be to shorten the first paragraph, maybe to just two lists of what high school is. Of course that's just my opinion. Keep up the great writing!
Jan Ackerson
02/18/07
I loved your first few paragraphs especially--very effective use of repetition and parallel structure to give us the essense of high school and the two main players here.

My suggestion for improvement might be to avoid expected characters and situtations. Give the characters unexpected personality quirks, or have the "wrong" girl win--anything to keep your readers engaged.

This would be great for a teen publication--girls need postitive peer models like Anna.