The Official Writing Challenge
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For a piece that is obviously designed to explain to non-Christians why one is a Christian there a two many unexplained religious/Christian expressions. I think it would also be more interesting to try to explore what went on in this person's thoughts.
This is a very nice story and I like the way you based it on scripture. Keep writing!
I think this is wonderful, and I like the way you base it on scripture too. Keep writing!