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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Fire-fighter (10/05/06)
“Where’s My Camera?”

I’m sure this fireman’s picture hangs in the hall of shame! I could almost hear the jeering back at the firehouse after the blaze was over. He had to hang his hat, take off his boots, and wonder if his comrades would ever free him from the embarrassment of his life.

I was driving down Lakewood Boulevard, in sunny Southern California, to witness a most amusing situation. The evening traffic was dense to say the least, and the impatiens of those who were trying to get home after a hard days work was being expressed by the sound of horns honking, and frustrated faces. The cars were lined up from the crosswalks, waiting their turn to continue down the street at the next changing of red lights to green. Smog filled the air from the pollutants pouring out from chrome-tipped tailpipes, during that era of V8 engines and ‘50’s cars.

As I heard the sound of an emergency vehicle approaching I adjusted my rearview mirror for a better look. With traffic at a standstill, I had taken the last position in the fast lane. The emergency vehicle was now close enough to identify as a hook-and-ladder that was coming up way too fast for my jangled big city nerves.

The lane to my left was a turning lane, and the cars were already in motion as the fire truck came to a stop next to my car, because the light had once again turned red. Due to the length of the fire truck, it’s massive height, loud horn, and bright red color, panicking people stopped dead in their tracks. Many cars didn’t even have time to even pull over in there on coming lanes, and the result was that the truck was securely boxed in!

The firemen were yelling, as they laid mercilessly on their horn. I had to stick my fingers into my ears to expel the fear of temporary deftness. A few cars were able to move out of the way, but it wasn’t enough to allow safe passage of the fire truck. A gray-haired elderly woman was at the head of the fire trucks lane, driving a convertible, and frozen in place by her fear of going against the red light. No one else could move! The fireman that was standing on the back of the truck decided to jumped off and started running toward the head of the line, seemingly to motivate the scared woman.

It was precisely then that the woman decided to go against the light before pulling off to the roadside. The fireman on the ground had only run a few feet as the line of vehicles started to move rapidly forward. He tried desperately to grasp the back rail of the fire truck as it sped passed him without avail! He looked like a “Keystone Kop,” as the firefighter chased the truck around the corner. In perfect, poetic justice, the fire truck took off leaving the winded fireman in its dust, and I could only imagine the captain’s face when he arrived to the scene of the blaze in style… the old lady in her convertible had given him a lift!
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Member Comments
Member
Date
Sara Harricharan
10/12/06
This was hilarious! Very good reading. I especially enjoyed the end with arriving on the scene in style.
Everest Alexander 
10/12/06
I want you to know from the very start that I think your writng is excellent!!! You built your story with skill and cunning which kept me reading addictively. Just from the title alone I knew there would be humor in it and I DID LOL at the punch.

However, I do have a couple of pointers.

First, you need to proof-read more diligently, "Impatiens" should be, "Impatience" and
"in there on coming lanes" should be "in their oncoming lanes."

(NOTE: "Impatiens" is the scientific name for the "Touch-Me-Not flower.)

Next, I think, "as they laid mercilessly on their horn" would work better as "as the driver leaned mercilessly on the horn."

I did particularly like the phrases, "to expel the fear of temporary deftness" and "In perfect, poetic justice," there's a smoothness and a musicality to them that helps to endear the narrative.

All in all a very good job! I truly enjoyed your writing! Keep it up!
Mary Smith
10/12/06
This was hilarious! Is it a true story? You described the scene very well; sometimes I've wondered what happens if cars don't get out of the way for a firetruck or an ambulance. The kicker was the last bit, when we find out that the poor fireman, just trying to make a way through the stubborn traffic, ends up having to hitch a ride with the poor old woman who'd caused the stop-up in the first place! Hee hee! Fun, picturing him running after the fire truck, too. Nicely done!
Jan Ackerson
10/13/06
Clever! Be careful of spelling or typos: one that stood out was "deftness" instead of "deafness." Just a few letters can really change the meaning.

Your humor shines through in this witty story--great kicker.
Donna Powers
10/14/06
Nice work. An enjoyable story with an amusing ending.
Valerie Routhieaux
10/18/06
I really liked the twist at the end. Some pointers, be sure to spell check and grammar check your work before you submit. Impatiens is spelled impatience. There were also a couple of words that ended in ed that shouldn't have.

All in all it was a good story.