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Topic: Bold (emotionally)( 08/30/07)
Of Course Your Mom Went to Prom
By Marilee Alvey
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I've got to find a victim for prom. Seems like every store has a separate area filled with poofy, shiny, glossy, sparkly dresses. Every time I try to walk past the prom racks to the “Plain and Ordinary Loser Section” I end up with a booty covered with silver dust. You’d think that would attract attention. Not even. I HAVE to go to the prom just once. I don’t want my kids to know that their mom was such a loser. Okay, Marcie, time to get jiggy with it. Code name: Destination Prom.
I opened my locker after fourth hour and looked into the mirror I’d glued to the inside door. My puny eyes looked like two bugs, each with eight very short legs. I took out my mascara wand and put several coats on my lashes, all sixteen of them. Ahhh. Just the effect I was going for: my eyes now resembled two bugs with mascara’d legs that now stood stiff and erect, in death. Okay, go for the mouth. I put on color, then applied a coat of shimmery silver. It always looks sensual on models. Looked like I’d been slimed. I straightened up to my full 5 ft 6 (with help from my two inch wedgies.) Tom Maloy was at my one o’clock. My weapon of choice: an over the shoulder sultry look. Alas, some organic nature freak lost a grape on the floor. Glad tidings: my tall wedgies found it, just as I tilted my neck for the big, sultry over the shoulder vamp. The doctor said my neck brace can be removed in a few days. There is NO WAY I am wearing it to school. If I wear it, my neck won’t go anywhere…..but neither will I.
Kill me now. Mom followed me into school and saw me take my neck brace off. She’s grounded me from all social activities for a week. She’s got a spy in the Principal’s office. Her snoopy friend Sally sits right in the glassed area I have to pass for my classes. I told mom that there’s no way I can ever get a date this way, but she asked me, “How big is your God?” I hate when she turns into little Miss Sunshine on me. I’ve developed negativism to an art form. She should respect that. At least I excel at something.
Today I walked down the hall with that stupid neck brace, stiffly tilting my head to nod at friends, like some walking Disney character. I’m living my worst nightmare….. except that I’m not naked….and giving a speech. Tomorrow I can go to school with my neck brace off. Zero hour, baby. The dresses…and the boys….are getting picked over. I’m almost ready to consider my brother. No, I did NOT say that.
Today I broke the mold. I was spunky. I was gutsy. I was fearless. Okay. I was rock bottom desperate. I walked into the lunchroom wearing a big sign I made saying, “ASK ME TO PROM” with my phone number on it. Most of the girls gave me dirty looks. I was REALLY embarrassed, but, hey, I figured I’d already strutted my stuff for two days earning the nickname, “Concrete Neck.” There was no place to go but up. Guess what? Kevin Hines called me! He told me he was impressed by my self-confidence, that most girls are afraid to look stupid. That was a compliment, right? Totally. So, I’m going to Prom with a first string varsity football player!
I’ll never forget my first prom, thanks to my dad who undoubtedly put the B-O in BOLD. Last night Kevin came to my front door carrying my corsage. UNFORTUNATELY, my dad answered the door. “Who are you?” he asked. “I’m Kevin Hines. I’m here to pick up Marcie for the prom.” Dad paused for a moment, sized Kevin up with a glance, and said, “No you’re not!” slamming the door in Kevin’s face. Mom was helping me get ready when she heard the exchange and ran downstairs like some running back, slipping down the last five steps. How she managed to kill dad with a look, open the door, smooth over dad’s rude greeting and invite Kevin in for photos before going to the ER is beyond human understanding. She only has to wear her neck brace for a month.
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