TITLE: O The Humanity
By A . WAL
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I was home schooled and it was one of my mom's random assignments for me to do.
Though girls may find this more humorous than boys I think there are some guys out there that might still find this funny. (or loth me for it.)
Otherwise, I'm not sure what to do with this. Especially since I supremely failed and had to write a whole new report. (Imagine that) P.S, "Hitrosity" is not a word, so don't bother looking it up. It's just one of the many non real words that inhabit my contaminated mind.
It means, utter horribleness.
Oh, The Humanity.
I was playing cards with my brothers one day.
It was then that I was brought to an entirely
different understanding of the male species.
We were enjoying the afternoon, not a care in the world, having cheerful conversation, a great amount of laughter and no arguments that usually occur among siblings. All was at peace, but it was not to be. Before long, without warning, every sense in my body became awakened. The mood of the room suddenly changed, the air on my face seemed to have raised slightly in temperature. But by the
time my thoughts realized what was happening, it was too late. The smell had crept up my nostrils and the look of disgust had appeared on my face.
It was then that I took action! I used a methed taught to children at a very young age to keep them safe in such dangerous situations. I firmly grasped the collar of my shirt, placed it just above my nose and breathed in what precious
air I had left. Maybe even having a moment in prayer asking that the odor pass quickly and that my other brothers do not become infected with the same idea.
It is at this time that I learned that those prayers often go unanswered. Because before I knew it one of my other brothers got that look of determination on his face. After all, it is well known that brothers are competitive, (especially my brothers)
Sure enough, the sound we all know without a doubt, can not be anything else. The second brother overpowering the first,
then the third brother acomplishing his goals of striving over the second, roars of laughter heard throughout the whole house mixed with inane comments such as, "Dude, that smells!" and "What did you eat?" and so many other words of wisdom.
Then all became silent, for at last, it was the fourth brother's turn, the youngest. Now is his chance to achieve such honor among his brethren.
First, he became very pale, then his cheeks got a pinkish hue to them, until finally turning purple with this ultimate look of discomfort, arose such an enormous, unhuman-like
sound that none of us knew what to make of it.
My youngest brother, then having the most embarrassment, had to depart to his room to change what had been grotesquely soiled.
You would then think that any normal intelligent person would have dismissed herself from such an unholy environment as this by now, but I was drawn to observe them further for the purpose of relieving the many questions swirling in my mind.
What is it that keeps men from experiencing certain maturity after the age of eight?
Why is it that they can accomplish so much in other areas, but not this one?
Why do they hold so dear to this type of behavior?
How did this choice of doing become acceptable unto men?
Then noticing my father in the room, it dawned on me! It was he who led his sons to believe this nonsense!
He must have known what I was thinking because his words interupted my thoughts. He said,"Boys never really grow up."
I then realized, it was not his fault.My poor, poor daddy, he has been taught the same things my
brothers have. A tradition continually passed down, getting worse with every generation, allowing the latest to be the least intelligent.
When did this hitrosity fall upon men seeming to be everywhere?
I certainly don't remember Benjamin Franklin flying a kite and not discovering electricity, but the wet willy. Sir Isaac Newton getting popped on the head and not discovering gravity, but giving his best friend a wedgy, or even the Wright brothers sitting around investigating their noses with the tips of their fingers. I don't recall any of this.
So who's the sick minded men that invented this means of social behavior? Why has it been allowed for so long?
Perhaps it has been woman's duty all along to teach our sons the importance of maturity. That would explain why women are more sensible on these matters. Men were meant to be presidents, pastors, protectors and all sorts of leaders on this earth. It's hard to see my brothers in that light, especially now.
At this point in the story I realized I really had to use the bathroom, but unfortunately my mother was in there. My family only has one bathroom between the nine of us and she had been in there for quite a while. Which means she's
probably doing a crossword puzzle and is stuck on one of the questions. Yes, as I predicted a few minutes went by and I heard her ask through the bathroom door,"Who was the son of
Abraham Lincoln?" Immencely willing to relieve both of our dilemmas, I answered, "Abraham Lincoln had four sons, but only one lived a full life." She asked, "What was his name?" I answered, "Robert." She asked, "Robert what?" I answered,
"Lincoln...." She said, "But there's only three spaces." I then yelled out, "Bob!" and began spelling it out for her,"B.O.," She screamed, "I know!"
Then being satisfied with her crossword puzzle, she finally left the much needed bathroom and I was then able to continue on with my original thought.
Why do women mature quicker than men? Just then I noticed my sister staring at me while chewing her gum very loudly. She asked, "What are you thinking?" I hate it when she does this, because then I can never remember what it was that I was pondering and I'm sure that it must have been brilliant! I just end up looking dumbfounded and partly angry for no apparent reason. What's amazing though, is I can find my vengence by
writing about her and getting away with it because she never reads the ridiculous things I write. Just in case she does, I can always tell her I was talking about my other sister.
(I knew having two sisters would be good for something.)
Well, without further ado. Here is the answer to the question that's been boggling mankind for centeries. I can't believe I'm the one to stumble
upon it. Give me a moment to bask in the glow of this triumphant experience.....moment ended. (Wow, that was fast.)
The reason most men are less mature than most women is, for quite a few generations now women have been letting their sons say gross things, do gross things and play with gross things.
If their little girl's caught doing such, we get scolded, pulled away and told that it's not lady like. Why? Think about it. Women are gradually being more and more noticed for their mind. Are they any more intelligent than they were before?
I don't think so. Are men any smarter than they were way back when? Absolutely not! They've decreased rapidly! Women are not teaching their sons the importance of maturity, but teaching their daughters. Allowing every generation of
males to be just a little less intelligent than the one before for the great purpose of one day,... taking over the world!!
So there, I said it. Totally ratted out my sisters. I'm sorry guys, you never saw it coming. I mean, how could you? Children are raised by mothers, and that includes boy children as well
Now being a traitor to my species, I have made it my life goal of being the only woman warning men of this tragedy about to befall them. ( Gosh, I feel like a super hero. ) The real problem being, will they get it?
Be not afraid of what you just read. Although all of this is based on true events, the point I made at the end, is not fact.
Oddly enough though, you can't really prove me wrong.
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