TITLE: Saved But Not Free By Jaye Murphy 10/31/09 |
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But not free
Does it mean I've let go of sin
But it hasn't let go of me
Is it going to church every Sunday
Sitting on the first pew
With my mind wandering here and there
Hollering my amens and hallelujahs all on cue
Is it having the appearance of a halo overhead
Seemingly having it all together
But internally still struggling, twisted, and tangled
And not really feeling entirely better
Feeling a bit confused
Because I feel I'm giving God my all
Secretly still drowning inside
Every Sunday being first to run to the front for alter call
Standing at the alter, face filled with tears
Completely mystified
Because I'm still harboring feelings of
Unforgiveness, anger, bitterness, and pride
Because as a Christian I'm doing
All I know to be done
But still feel bound by these feelings
That often creep on
I spend daily time with the Lord,
Read my bible, fast and pray
But still there is that old mind-set
That keeps getting in the way
How can I be a Christian
And still feel like this
Once I gave my life to Christ
Shouldn’t there just be an earthly bliss
Now that I'm living a Christian life
I shouldn’t still feel set apart
I shouldn't still be harboring
All these ungodly feelings in my heart
I cry out, "Lord I've surrendered myself to you
Soul, mind and body;
So why are these feelings I felt before
Still on the inside of me?"
The Lord speaks:
All these years you’ve been not just in sin
But you’ve been sinned against
You're still oppressed
From all those past experiences
You're breaking the hold
The devil has on you
But you’ve got to break the one
You have on him too
Just like Lazarus being raised and loosed
So that he could be free
You’ve got to be loosed in your mind
And claim your victory
Look at where you're going
Instead of where you’ve been
Celebrate who you are now
Instead of who you were then
It doesn't happen overnight
But over time
You'll be transformed
Only by the daily renewal of your mind (Romans 12:2)
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