An Excellent Description

by Suzanne Hartmann

Several months ago, while reading the selection of the month for a book club, I came across the following description of how it felt to a child in the 1940s to drink a soda for the first time.

I read the sentence several more times just to enjoy the visual effects. The only word that came to mind was, “Wow!” The words are fanciful, yet an accurate description of the sensation. I have to admit that this is one of the best description I’ve ever read.

From Home to Holly Springs by Jan Karon: The fizz had entered his nasal passages and gone straight to his cerebrum, where it shivered and danced and burst like a Roman candle in his brain.

Do the words pop out at you like they did for me? Are the pictures they paint in your mind vivid? Do they make you relive the sensation yourself?

What kind of description do you have in your writing? Does it make the readers feel like they’re seeing/experiencing/sensing it with the characters or do they just give the facts?

1) Find a vivid description in your own writing and share it in a comment below.
2) Write a vivid description (either from scratch or rewriting one from your writing) and share it in a comment.


Glamour Shots-S1SUZANNE HARTMANN is the author of PERIL: Fast Track Thriller #1, and Write This Way: Take Your Writing to a New Level, a blueprint for new authors to guide them through the process of writing and revising a novel.

Suzanne is a homeschool mom and lives in the St. Louis area with her husband and three children. When not homeschooling or writing, she enjoys scrapbooking, reading, and Bible study. On the editorial side, she is a contributing editor with Port Yonder Press and operates the Write This Way Critique Service.

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