Kids & Parenting
“What do you mean my son didn’t make the team??!!!”
The question exploded from me as I stood outside the office of the middle school football coach, my eyes desperately seeking my son’s name on the list of boys who had avoided the dreaded cut.
“Are they…are THEY…ARE THEY…CRAZY????????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
Perhaps you wonder—was I upset over this news? Was Moses upset when he came off Mount Sinai and smashed the original Ten Commandants? Yes, he suffered an emotional snap, and that summed me up the day I watched my 12-year-old experience this deep disappointment. Adding salt to the wound, this list was posted at Open House, meaning that my son’s heartache was accompanied by the humiliation of learning his fate in front of his peers. Talk about the school year getting off to a dandy start.
Honestly, I was madder than a porcupine stuck in a thorn bush, and any mother who claims she would be okay with such circumstance is, quite frankly, lying like a dog. God didn’t program moms to take lightly the sufferings of their babies.
It’s crushing to watch our children get “cut”, whether it’s from a volleyball team, school musical or the color guard. They hurt; therefore, we hurt, coupled with the fear that their confidence might be shattered by messages that imply, “You aren’t good enough to represent our school” and “You can’t be part of our group.”
Having walked this walk, let me say that getting cut doesn’t seal one’s fate. Yes, my son was denied the opportunity to play football for his school in the 7th grade. Today, he’s a starting tight end for his high school team. As long as he stays committed to hard work and remains humble in the face of success, I pray God keeps smiling this favor upon him. I have a friend whose son was cut from 8th grade basketball, but served a co-captain for his high school’s varsity team. Another friend’s daughter was cut from middle school cheerleading, but made high school varsity—as a freshman.
My husband and I have several friends whose son’s have fallen victim to the extreme Daddy Ball permeating some baseball teams. In one case, the cut was extremely cruel, enough to cause some kids to abandon sports completely. Instead, our friend’s son was encouraged to see it as an opportunity—with no baseball team to play on, he tried spring lacrosse, and discovered passion and great aptitude for the fastest growing sport in America.
Most recently, a friend’s daughter wasn’t invited to remain on the elite soccer team she had played with for several years. “Please don’t do this to my daughter,” my friend begged, but the coach was unrelenting. As a result, my friend’s daughter plays for a team that’s one level below elite—but thanks to her experience gained from elite , she’s a superstar on this other team. She’s building leadership qualities and improving her game. Was getting cut a blessing? You bet it was.
Kurt Warner, Christian quarterback for the Arizona Cardinals, was overlooked by the NFL draft while playing for Northern Iowa, and as a free agent, released from Green Bay’s training camp. Later, he led the St. Louis Rams to Super Bowl XXXIV, earned MVP honors, and calls it a blessing that his NFL dreams weren’t achieved right away. “The blessing is that God prepared me for that.{the NFL} God had placed me in a lot of different situations, He had set up my priorities, so when I did get here, I knew why I was here. I knew God placed me here for a purpose.”
Disappointments are often the spring boards to better things, the watersheds of life that turn things in different and better directions. Sometimes, God allows them to give us time to become better equipped to serve on His team.
When my nephew Scott was in 8th grade, he made a prestigious baseball team, only to experience misery under a politically-influenced coach who refused Scott much playing time. The next year, Scott made his high school’s varsity team as a freshman, and played in a game being watched by his former coach.
Afterwards, the coach sauntered up to him and sneered, “How come you never played for me like that?”
“Well,” Scott answered, with the ouch honesty of a kid, “I didn’t have the kind of coach I have now.”
Sometimes, it’s a lousy coach who costs our kids opportunities on the field. In the game of life, though, our coach is God. Wherever we are in skill and aptitude, He meets us where we are and builds us into the person He desires us to be.
“I am the Lord your God, who teaches you what is best for you, who directs you in the way you should go.” Isaiah 48:17)
Let’s promote positive outcomes to bad experiences. It starts with teaching our kids that God is in control—and if we submit to working for His glory, not our own, we’ll be winning one for Him.
©Donna G. Morton October 2007
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