Humor
Dear Diary:
Dim-witted humans. Why can’t they let me outside to play? I just want to run around and feel the grass under my paws. I might also chase a squirrel or two.
Oh, finally, the door is opened and … I’m free! I’ve escaped the confines of that stupid house with those stupid cats inside. Of course, I’m just the most exquisite and lovely cat there is – black with large round green eyes that see everything. I keep myself in shape by running up and down the stairs all day long, just in case I get that chance to get outside again. “Indoor cat,” they say. I’ll show them who is in charge in this house!
Wow, it’s cold out here. Stupid humans are gone and I can’t get back in the house. Well, I’ll just sit here on the porch and cry. Those dull cats inside will go crazy listening to me.
Don’t those foolish people know that the one who made the outside made the inside also? (Luke 11:40). They need to let me in, now!
Here they come, finally. “There’s Jake,” she says as she picks me up. I guess I’ll purr and act happy to see her. I need to get inside and curl up on the bed to get warm again and take a little catnap.
What’s that noise? Oh, the garage door is opening. I must get outside. Stupid humans don’t like it when I get out. Down the stairs I run and make a beeline toward the door. Will I make it? Confound it, not this time. Stupid humans. Where are they going now? I wonder how long they will be gone and keep me locked up in this stupid house. I must get outside. All the doors and windows are closed so I can’t get out. I pace up and down the stairs, waiting for them to return home.
Wait – here they come. I crouch in wait behind the door and then, zing! I’m out again. Free! Free! Free! Away from those stupid cats in the house – they are too dull to figure out how to escape for a while.
What’s this? Snow. I think I need to go back in the house now. Stupid humans letting me get out in this stupid snow. I’ll sit here on the windowsill and meow. That’s it – they hear me and let me back in. Now to get some food; I’m starving.
Tomorrow is another day, but for now I’ll take a catnap and dream about new ways to escape.
Copyright 2006 Virginia L
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