Humor
I was sittin' thar in the school room. Teacher was yackin' ‘bout somethin' but I don't remember none. Everything I heered went through one ear and out the other. I was studyin' somethin' much more interestin'. Somethin' right bonafide. It was Rivers Applebee. She was the prettiest thang I'd ever laid eyes on. She was my gal but she don't know it yet. I'm gonna tell ‘er soon but ain't sure quite how yet. I thought ‘bout the ways they did it in them books but none of them hero acts would prolly work. I was brave, in fact the bravest boy in the whole school, ‘cept o' course when it comes to Nate Crowther. He's the biggest kid in our school, he's gotta be o'er five feet and he got big arms. He don't have no whiskers yet but maybe he shaves. Anyhow, I spied him layin' eyes on my girl, she looked back at him and smiled. That made me mad as eva. He wasn't gonna be gettin' my girl.
"Jefferey!" I turned the front so fast my head spun.
"Yes ma'am?" I said.
"Are you paying attention?" Mrs. Wallaby asked me, stern as ever. Her eyes were sharper than a knife, I swears that woman got eyes in the back o' her head.
"Yes ma'am," I answered. I was afeared that she'd a ask me to come up and give me a smack on my hand. But she didn't.
"What is the largest continent?" She asked. I gulped. All eyes stared at me as if I was in a court testifyin' to somethin'.
"Asia?" I replied.
"Is that a question?" She asked. Though she more yelled it, she talks loud.
"No ma'am," I said, shrinkin' back in my chair a little.
"That's correct." She turned back to the big map hangin' up and kept talkin' ‘bout them oceans and continents and stuff that no one cares ‘bout. I looked over at Rivers and caught her lookin' at me. I smiled and she smiled back at me! She was pertier than all them lilies by the water side. The school day ended ‘ventually, though I don't ‘member a thing that the teacher said. I saw Rivers outside talkin' to Nate. I hated him, he was tryna take my girl away. She smiled at me, she likes me, I thought to myself. I waited till Nate left with his pals. Rivers was talkin' to some of her friends. And then I decided it was just time. It was one of them moments when a fella realizes his duty and knows what he's just gotta do. And so I walked toward her, I felt the pressure o' the whole wide world on me, like Asia was on my back. I walked up to her with all her friends standin' there.She stopped talkin' with her friends and looked up at me with them big blue eyes o' hers.
"Hi Jeff," She said, sweet as eva. I didn't know what to say, the words just came out.
"Rivers Applebee, will you be my girl?" I asked. "I'll treat you better ‘n any boy, ‘specially Nate," I added, hopin' it might give me extra credit and considerin' that she was smilin' at him in school.
"Sure," She replied, looking at me and smilin'. She giggled, the way them girls do and I got that light feelin' inside me agin'.
"Wanna go to the store with me? I want to get some candy," She said. I dug my hand in my pocket. I didn't have no money on me but I said yes anyway. I couldn't help but say it. I neva wanted to say no to my gal. So we walked to the store, I held her books in one hand n' her hand with my other hand. Rivers Applebee was my girl and I was the luckiest boy in town. I pract'lly floated to the store, I felt light as a feather. We walked in and I looked around. Oh critters! I thought, there was Nate and his fellas lookin' at the knives and guns. I hoped they wouldn't see me, what would Nate think if he knowed Rivers was my girl? I wanted him to know, but jes not now. Rivers pulled out a twizzler from the jar and grabbed a bag of candy on the counter. She begun chewin' on the twizzler. It looked mighty tasty and I'd wished that I'd brought money.
"You payin' for that?" The cashier asked her.
"Sure," Rivers said then looked at me. "Give him the money Jeff," she told me. I looked at her confused like.
"What? I don't got no money on me," I said. Her perty blue eyes lit up and suddenly she got real mad at me.
"What? You take me to the store an' you don't got no money with you?!" She exclaimed.
"Well, no. I though you's was gonna pay for it," I tried to say. I felt embarrassed, already I made my girl mad at me.
"All boys buy things for their girls!" She yelled at me. "I ain't gonna be your girl if you don't got no money!" Now that there made me real mad.
"You mean you was only gonna be my girl if I'd a bought ya candy?" I yelled. Nate and his fellas had walked over and I felt them watchin' us, but I didn't care a bit. Rivers was usin' me to get candy!
"Well, that's what yer supposed to do!" She stomped her foot.
"Yer actin' like a baby!" I exclaimed. Her face was all red, I neva knowed Rivers to have such a temper. Whateva sweetness she had in her runned away right fast! Nate pulled out some coins from his pocket and gived ‘em to the cashier.
"I'll pay for it Rivers, don't worry none, this fella ain't good ‘nough for ya," he said, smiling at me like he'd won somethin'.
"You're right Nate! I don't like you no more Jeff! Don't eva speak to me agin!" She said, turning up her snub nose. I gave her the meanest, angriest look I could
"Know what, I don't care!" I yelled. "Nate can ‘ave ya if he wants cuz you's a spoiled brat and I don't want ya!" I turned around and left. I couldn't believe what had happened, I got my first girl and left her all in the same day. I was glad though. She may be pertier than all them lilies that grow up beside the water, but she ain't gonna be for long. She'll be as ugly as her temp'r one of these days, you'll see. All them perty teeth o' hers ‘ll be rotted out and she'll be fat as a cow. I smiled at the new picture of Rivers, the one up in my head. Yup, Nate could ‘ave her. An' it'd serve him darn right too.
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