Christian Living
Have you ever had an opinion about or made a decision as to whether or not you like someone that you hardly know? Admittedly, I have and it takes a conscious effort to pause and reevaluate my bias.
It’s our human nature to make decisions and common for us to come to conclusions about things of all kinds. But when it comes to making decisions and forming opinions about people, we must be extra careful.
In Matthew 7:1-3, Jesus instructs us “Do not judge, or you too will be judged.” He continues saying, “For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you. Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?”
Why does Jesus caution us in this way? It’s obvious that He’s driving home the point that none of us are without sin and, therefore, not in a position to pass judgment. But I believe there’s even more in His guidance to consider.
When we form opinions about anyone, especially someone that we barely know, whether we’re aware of it or not, we’re making assumptions. We’re assuming that we know why people think and do the things that they do when, the reality is, we don’t.
Coming to conclusions about people without being properly informed is a form of passing judgment without having all of the facts. It’s important that we base our decisions about another person on our own, first-hand experiences. If we’re receiving our ‘facts’ from a third party of any kind (family, friend or even the internet), we must determine if that third party is appropriately informed about this person with first-hand experience themselves and what is the purpose that this third party is offering or sharing information on this person. Properly vetting third party sources and information is critical to any sound decision making; hence the importance of having your own adequate, first-hand experience.
But the truth remains that, unless we’ve lived in someone’s shoes daily and experienced what they’ve experienced, we aren’t properly informed to make decisions for others or conclusions about their circumstances. Not even spouses who have been married 30 years are completely aware of all of the thoughts and experiences that drive the decisions of each other.
But sometimes we say, “I don’t like this person! I just don’t agree with what they’ve done or a decision they have made.”
If we’re struggling with unpleasant feelings about an acquaintance, co-worker, friend, or family member, we should ask ourselves two questions. The first is, “What first-hand knowledge do I have about the situation that is forming my opinion about this person?” The second is, “Is this ALL of the information needed to make a decision about this person or their situation?” While we might have a limited amount of first-hand knowledge about a situation, we likely don’t have all the facts needed to form a concrete opinion about the situation or the person. So it’s wise to keep in mind Jesus’ instruction in Matthew 7 as we form our opinions. It’s also wise to consider that the struggle may be one-sided and that the person with which we struggle may have no issue with us. In any case, the only one that can resolve our struggling feelings is our self.
So how can we do that? If we have the time, opportunity, and inclination, one possible way to resolve such feelings is to get to know the person better and try to understand why they do the things that they do that bother you. Otherwise, another viable option is to simply pray for a release from our feelings – especially where that person’s situation really doesn’t concern us. Earnestly considering whether or not those feelings towards that person are adding quality or value to our life may also help us release those feelings.
How we feel about others often determines how we treat them. I think this is really the reason that Jesus cautions us not to judge others. He knows that we’re not in a position to and that doing so will lead us to inappropriate conclusions. Instead, He wants and expects us to “treat our neighbors as ourselves”.
Have we inappropriately judged someone or their situation? If so, have we inappropriately treated them? Although how we treat someone that we don’t particularly care for is a topic for another article, these are questions worth asking ourselves and taking appropriate action on if we expect inner peace.
God bless you in your decisions about and relationships with others!
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