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Jesus is always there
I have very distinct memories of certain events in my life. These are few: These memories cover most of my life span, most are bad memories.
First: I am five years old, what I think is penny candy is a Canadian quarter. They try to take it away from me. I swallow. A man is standing over my bed, holding my hand, I see my grandmother, a nurse at the hospital they had taken me. She is looking at me and I ask her what happened to that man that was holding my hand? Jesus was there.
I am about 7 years old, I am alone with my baby sister, she is sick. I see a man standing over her crib. I run over to see why the man is over her crib. She is not breathing, I pick her up she starts coughing, I hold her until my mother gets home. I tell my mom that there was a man standing over her crib, but he disappeared as soon as I got there. Jesus was there
I am 9 years old, my step-father came home angry, I lock my door and climb out my window and get my sisters and our Saint Bernard dog, lock their door, climb back through our windows. We hide in my closet, I wake up and feel a warm presence, notice my sisters and I are sleeping on our dog. Jesus was there
Skipping way forward, I am in 10th grade, I am alone, my friends all went to the tech school; mom said I couldn’t go. I am often ridiculed; my mother has gone psycho on me accusing me of being on drugs and having sexual encounters with men. I am a straight A student, I am a virgin, the doctor verifies. I am suicidal. I hear another student, a popular student talking about wanting to commit suicide or to run away. I am normal. Jesus was there
Fast forward I am 19 years old being told to marry this guy that I could not stand, or move out. I move out, homeless for about a week, I move in with an old boyfriend the old boyfriend is a terrible man. A friend helps me move out go on active duty. Jesus was there.
I am 23, In the U.S. Army, divorcing the creep I married, I drink too much, stop going to church, praying and reading my Bible, and I sleep around, on my way to Toledo to visit my mom, surrounded by motorcycles, look up and see jackets with crosses, they lead me away from the bad part of town. Jesus was there.
I am 24 trying to pray, I can’t hear God’s voice, I can’t feel him. I know he should be there but I feel lost. I start going to church occasionally. It will be a few more years before I turn my life around, before I reconnect with the Savior. In the back of my head, I know it should be a better connection. I know Jesus is there am baffled that I can’t feel him.
I am remarried, have a baby, leave active duty. Husband is abusive, it takes a couple years to leave. Despite his efforts to kill me, he is unable. Jesus was there in the neighbor that stopped him and convinced him to move out. Jesus was there
I am 30 divorced again, two small children, feeling real lost, I drink, I try to committee suicide, Jesus is the one who puts his finger down my throat makes me vomit and vomit. I live. Jesus was there.
I meet the one I should have meet years ago. If I could have, he is a few years younger, but he is nice, he is honest, he does not like me to drink or date other men. No one has ever cared like that before. I am scared but I feel the spirit prompting me this is the one. We get married and go to church Jesus is there.
I am 32 go back on active duty, must get my boys away from their abusive biological father. Jesus is there, Finally I can feel His presence. I know this is the right path.
I am 33, my husband adopts my sons. I can see Jesus work in our lives, we are helpers of others doing God’s work. My unit is not supportive, the unit seeks reasons to get me dishonorably discharged, But Jesus is there protecting.
I am 35, I am injured while on duty, dropped off the deployment list, Jesus is there.
Fast forward, I am 48, my Christian son, the one that turned in a friend for shoplifting, the one who lost his best friend over an argument about drinking. He is drinking, he is hanging with bad people, he is arrested, bottom falls out, I ask God why? Can feel Jesus but I realize we have become display window Christians. We are no longer about God’s work. Yet my son who was arrested had tried to commit suicide, He is alive, Jesus was there.
Present day, have found my way back to Christ. I hear His voice, I feel His presence. Jesus is here, my son is in programs proven to keep Him out. He will succeed because he has learned about leaning on Jesus.
Wonder how all that can happen to one person? This is just part, there is so much more But Jesus was always there even when I had hung up the phone. Ignored Him, the creator, the savior, Jesus is always there. Protecting loving arms wide-open waiting for us to turn back to Him.
What is the point? We are at war, the evil one, the one that promotes terrible acts of one human against another. The evil one that promotes human trafficking, parents selling children, offering their children as sacrifices to the “cause”. The evil one that promotes video beheadings, like that one soldier with a saw, dying a slow agonizing death in front of the entire world.
We need Jesus. We need to see ourselves as the Savior sees us. He sees our mistakes as forgiven. He tells us to forgive ourselves. I stand before you FORGIVEN. Clean before the Lord, I am beloved. YOU ARE BELOVED. GOD SEES YOU AS HIS. GOD SEES YOU AS HIS CHILD BELOVED. He loves us more than we love our own children. Jesus claims us as His own, he is there before we knew Him. Protecting us keeping the evil one at bay. We are marked through our Salvation. Earned not by us, but by Jesus the one that is always there. Given to us by His mercy because of His grace. Accepted by us through our faith. We cannot earn it. We need to accept Jesus is here, He is the Savior. We are His beloved. He is HERE.
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