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Sharing your story with the world may be to threatening for you when you first begin, so write it all out in a diary or personal journal, a document that will remain private until you are ready to publish it. Whether you publish your story for the world to read or record it in a personal diary or journal, the results, for you, are the same—emotional and physical healing. Writing out your story leads to healing because it forces you explore your past, uncovering the causes of your hurts, and evaluating them in order to write about them.
Exploring and Uncovering Emotions, Two Sides of the Same Coin
Reality isn’t always what it first appeared to be, what causes our pain isn’t always what we first suspected them to be. As I confessed in part one of this series, my mother tried to beat me to death on more than one occasion, and she took every opportunity to make it known to me clearly that she didn’t love me or want me. Like any child rejected by his own mother, I felt that it had to be my fault, I felt that there had to be something terribly wrong with me if my own mother didn’t love me, a child never thinks that the problem might be with his mother. I don’t think I really overcame those feeling until; many years later, when I wrote a short story about a boy whose mother hated him and treated him just as my mother had me. Louise DeSalvo wrote in her book, Writing as a Way of Healing, “The therapeutic process of writing goes something like this: We receive a shock or a blow or experience a trauma I our lives. In exploring it, examining it, and putting it into words, we stop seeing it as a random unexplained event. We begin to understand the order behind appearances. Expressing it in language robs the event of its power to hurt us; it also assuages our pain. And by expressing ourselves in language, by examining these shocks, we paradoxically experience delight—pleasure even—which comes from the discoveries we make as we write, from the order we create from seeming randomness or chaos.” If you haven’t read Louise’s book, I urge you to do so before you start writing out your own story.
Stories Connect Us to Ourselves
Writing out our stories, whether it is in the form of short stories, memoirs, or journal entries, brings us to a new awareness of whom we truly are and a new awareness of the lives we are living. When you start to write out your story, begin with a recent experience, begin with something that’s still relatively fresh and clear in your mind. As William Knowlton Zinnser, the American writer, editor, literary critic, and teacher wrote, “Write about small, self-contained incidents that are still vivid in your memory. If you remember them, it’s because they contain a larger truth that your readers will recognize in their own lives. Think small and you’ll wind up finding the big themes in your family saga.”
Our Stories Matter
We need to tell our stories in order to connect with our stories, if we don’t connect with our stories we will never know who we truly are. As Sue Monk Kidd wrote in her excellent little book, The Secret Life of Bees, “Stories have to be told or they die, and when they die, we can’t remember who we are or why we’re here.”
Writing out your stories will enable you to achieve:
- A greater sense of self-awareness regarding your needs, your values, and your identity.
- A release and a sense of healing around a specific event that has left you feeling hurt, an event that has hampered your emotional growth.
- A direction for your future when a past event has left you feeling lost and adrift.
Part 3
In Part three, we’ll begin talking about how to go about writing your story, you will see that you can write your story even if you’ve never written anything before.
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