Family
For a long time I have wanted to write an article titled, "To a god not worthy."
The title came to my mind as a description of my efforts to be married, and the endless failures I experienced in the 23 years of effort.
The article has never materialized because the details are monotonous, gruesome, and unsophisticated, to say the least.
The details of that marriage are seemingly an exposure of my lack of intelligence, which states the fact, dressed up; what it actually reveals is my stupidity and the lack of me understanding my God.
Who, after all is so stupid that they continue to endure years of physical abuse? What intelligent person keeps believing, after the abusive incident, that the abuser does not really hate them, but is really going to try to change and never do it again? That is always the immediate remorse exhibited by the abuser. Promises of change. Affirmations of love.
The abuser goes through a period of "good behaviors and almost lighthearted euphoria, as they try to convince the abused one that it will never happen again. True love is constantly affirmed, along with the plea, "Please don't leave me."
The immediate result for the abused person, following the beating and the subsequent remorse of the abuser, is that they think that they now see the loving, the real person, who resides in the person that they love.
It is a mirage. That person is fictitious; a ghost of imagination, a desire, and only a dream of The Dreamer.
As soon as everything is once again peaceful and settled in, the cycle begins again.
I spent years in prayerful hope, and inner assurance, that things would change. God would change the matter. I did not want to give up before God had time to do His work.
Today I realize that it was my misplaced expectations that caused my history of wasted years. It was me who allowed pain and emotional distress to myself and my children. I should have demanded right behaviors, and cut the marriage shorter if there was not a positive response.
Abuse and infidelity are much worse, and produce worse results, than a bad marriage being ended.
After 23 years, and a family ruined emotionally by life lived in a potential war zone, and of going to bed each night on the fringes of hell, when I could no longer deceive myself about change, then I learned something about God that I never expected.
God will not make any one of us do anything. He will work with us and help us if we are willing and trying; but God will not make us do anything right, nor will He stop us in wrong doing.
An abuser remains an abuser because they do not want to change, they do not think they are wrong, and they do not therefore need to change.
To an abuser, the abused is getting what they deserve. So I spent all those years giving my love and allegiance to a "god not worthy" the man of my imagination whom I called, "husband."
Sacrificing myself and my children to an unworthy, self-righteous, controlling person, and in so doing I thereby condoned and concealed bad behaviors, because I did not require godly behavior from one who was not only a professing believer, but also a Deacon in the Church.
I did go to the Pastor, who would not address the matter. I talked with other Christian relatives and friends who reminded me that I had to be submissive to my husband, even as the Word of God said I should. "God would change him," they said.
But God could not change him because he was not willing to change, and to this day, 26 years after the divorce, he denies that he is guilty, when he knows well that he is guilty. But today, it does not inflict pain on me, only remorse for the wasted years and the pain my children had to suffer.
Thankfully, I finally heard the Lord. He told me three times that He could not change it and that I would have to change it. The first time I heard this I thought I had heard the devil speak, because I knew Who God is, and that nothing is impossible with Him, and that is true; but God limits Himself. He does not force anyone to do right.
We will suffer the consequences for stubbornly making the choices to do wrong, and all who are involved in our realm of influence will also suffer. Living in a house, where there is wrong doing, is like living in a barrel of rotten potatoes from which nothing escapes the stench and rot.
I did eventually get out of the situation, but not before my children and myself were terribly emotionally distraught. Children do not grow healthy in such a soil; children cannot learn basic principles of life that gives them a true North by which to walk and make decisions.
God does not expect us to bow to the devil. God does not tell us to let a bad apple bring rot the other apples. Get the rotten apple out of the mix!
God is not in agreement with brutish controllers, and it is far and away time for us as the people of the Church, and of our Society, to cease to permit such actions by our silence, and by giving sacrificial indulges to "any god not worthy." When we bow to, and allow wrong, we have not done a Godly thing.
It occurs to me that many of us do this same thing by sacrificing ourselves to many kinds of gods. For some it may be a bad spouse who is abusive; and women also beat men; the children who are abused cannot do much to help themselves.
(God has a special place for those who abuse children, and the helpless, and the elderly.)
For some it is the beverage god that is worshiped at the expense of everything else. For some it is the tobacco god that spends the children's milk, and bread, and clothing money. For others it is the dope god that controls their lives; some worship at the shrine of the sex god, and often even violate children sexually in worship of that god.
God is available to help any of us to change and walk in another direction. God is not so much concerned about what we have done as He is that we stop the activities of which He disapproves, because these are activities that damage others and ourselves is why He disapproves. God is into blessings, and righteousness, and growth, and health, and happiness, and our ultimate home in Heaven with Himself.
God is waiting, looking, hoping for change, but He will not make us do the right thing, we must choose to do the right thing.
But, what if we find ourselves under the authority of one who does the things of which God disapproves? The Scripture tells us what to do; "Disconnect!"
2 Thess. 3:14 "If any man obey not our word by this epistle, note that man, and have no company with him, that he may be ashamed."
We, as Christians, have a false sense of sacrifice. All sacrifice is not good. All unfettered devotion is not holy.
Yes, we are to sacrifice ourselves, but we are to sacrifice ourselves for things that are good and uplifting and positive. We sacrifice ourselves to those who cannot do for themselves, but not to those who are sponges of our love, and givers of pain and mistreatment.
WE are to hold each other accountable in a home, and in a society, for reasonable and proper behaviors. All who offend should be isolated, left in solitude, or committed to a facility for medical help.
It is difficult to be a person in a community home or Church, where there are no rules that cover everyone's rights with equal respect for even the shortest child among us. Supposing the absence of requirements to be freedom, the group falls into disconnect, disorder, and eventual destruction.
God receives no glory for this kind of behavior or the indulgence of it.
We must reflect on the overcoming and annihilation of hostilities among us, and of our own hostile behaviors in our disobedient actions against God and His love. We must have respect for those who are governed, and not only for those who govern.
Our God is Worthy to be worshiped and obeyed. He is a Lover and a Giver to Whom we can devote ourselves with confidence of being treated with respect and love, never to be shamed nor rejected.
Heb. 2: 11 For both He that sanctifies and they who are sanctified are all of ONE: for which cause He is not ashamed to call them Brethren...
We can properly sacrifice ourselves to our God in safety; but anything else, or anyone else, that is destroying and disrespecting us is not worthy of our sacrifices and we must not indulge them.
Ramona: 08/03/2014
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