Marriage
Till Divorce Do We Part
Love is grand. Divorce is fifty grand, and that’s just the lawyer to make sure you don’t get totally ripped by the courts. We, as humans, have the benefit of rational and logical thought processes. At least, that is what is supposed to be the idea. I am not preaching on this subject. I have subjected myself to the ridiculous circus of the divorce court. I made a bad choice. That is the subject of this rant.
Yes, I made a bad choice, and I use that word on purpose. The decision to marry a certain individual is a choice on your part. I can only think of one other decision that would rate as more important. The acceptance of Christ as Savior in your life would be it. Other than that, Marriage has to be the most important choice that you are going to make. If you have already made that choice, I’ll deal with you later. This is primarily for the ones that are still thinking about it, but you will still get something out of this as well. I hope that some of this you used in choosing your mate.
It is alarming at the process that some people use to select a mate. Dating takes days in some cases. The participants are too young and haven’t the first clue what to do about themselves, much less another person around them all the time that is not a parent. When the same person says hello to you for a month straight and you know they will be there the next month and beyond, let’s see what your first reaction will be. If not prepared for that reality, you may be in for a rude shock.
I want you to think of this for a second. If I were to tell you that you are going to be given a new job and it will last the rest of your life. If you don’t take a few years to learn what the job entails, you will never be told anything about this new position. You will have one opportunity to learn about the ins and outs of the job, and the details that could make your job a lot easier. You only have to listen, and pay attention. You want to get promoted? You will need to be the best at what you do. You will have to prove to the boss that you can be trusted with additional responsibilities. If you mess this up, you will be guaranteed a lifetime of pain that didn’t have to happen. You get it right, you will be assured of happiness and endless memories. You will have problems either way, but one way tends to be easier on the soul than the other.
Ready to go to work? Good. Now comes the kicker; you will have to choose between two different positions. One of them looks good on the outside. The office is good with plenty of company perks on the surface. It looks like the perfect opportunity. Lots of fun and no real work to do. Great deal.
The other may not look as great on the outside as the other. The office is clean, but a little smaller. The work is going to be a lot harder at first than the other, but the growth potential is tremendous. The real question is, do you want to put in the work that will lead to a great career.
A terrible analogy, I know. Marriage is not a career decision, but the ones that have two people working the hardest are the ones that will last the longest. It’s not really a secret that the more you put into something the more you will get out of it. I’m talking about more than self-respect. I mean the respect of the other person involved in the relationship. I mean the love and admiration from the person you married that comes when you get the decision correct.
Now, you must be asking yourself, how do I get the decision correct? How do I make sure that I don’t end up going to court to divide my possessions and soul because I choose the first office? Yes the first office that looks great and needs no work? If you believe that, you need some serious help. Your choice has to be based on some serious criteria. First off, you should be asking if the two of you are on the same level spiritually. I don’t mean that the two of you know all the same things. I think that the two of you should start by both knowing the Lord Jesus Christ as Savior. This term is sometimes called “being unequally yoked.” If both of you are not saved, you will only be asking for trouble later, not to mention the heartbreak and pain that will come from trying to convert the other.
You should also have some form of attraction that isn’t based in the bedroom. You like her eyes and you like the hugs and kisses, but that better not be it. You better like the way she thinks. You better have an understanding of the way she likes to have things done. And you better be sure that you two are coming from the same page on issues such as church, children, and money. These three areas kill more marriages than any other out there.
I’m not saying that attraction doesn’t play a role in marriage. That would be stupid. If you are not attracted to your potential mate, you are really asking for trouble. Remember, without thousands of dollars and very good doctors, your mate-to-be will look like that for a very long time. You better be able to stare at them for the rest of your life. No manner of time will erase that face.
Now, attraction should have more than one aspect. Ever know anyone that, at first glance, just was not someone that was physically attractive. However, the more you got to know them, the better they seemed to be. You noticed things about them that you didn’t notice before. The outer appearance kind of took a backseat to the appearance of their soul. You found out that they were a lot easier to be around than you first thought. You even found out that the two of you actually have some things in common. They may not win first prize in the beauty contest, but they have something that just makes you happy. And you thought your mom was kidding when she said to never judge a book by its cover.
The point is, that some thought must be put into the choice of your mate. Take in some ideas that matter; not just the “I love him and nothing will ever change that,” defense. I love that one. Nothing will ever change that turns into somebody running off to the Baha with a secretary and a fast car because they got tired of nothing in common. An extreme reality, I know. The problem is, it happens. People just leave because they can’t see the person across the dinner table as the one that makes them happy. Making someone happy is not the all-in-all of the relationship, but it does rank right up there.
Think about this one. If you decide that you are not going to think any further than the appearance of your next mate, you will become very depressed when they get older looking and loose their looks. If you decide that you don’t care about their spiritual side, you have doomed yourself to mediocre spiritual growth for your self. Remember, God is not going to ask what did your spouse let you do for Me. He is going to ask what did you do for Me regardless of the rest of the world. God forbid, but if you decide you will judge your next spouse on their performance in bed, then you will start down a path that will never end. You can kiss any form of purity good-bye when you kiss at the altar. The path will lead down perversions and ideas that should never be thought of and the body was never meant to experience. Be afraid of this path, because it does not stop in the bedroom. It will travel into places of your life that you will not want it to show up. It will start to add thoughts that will only lead to unthinkable perversion. You will find yourself in the position to either loose your spouse or subject yourself to acts that, not long ago, you would have considered a sin; and all in the name of love.
Don’t fall into the trap of not being prepared for what the world will throw at you. You will be tempted to throw away all your morals and all your principles for a person that will not respect you later because they don’t respect you now. You are nothing but a temporary good time to them. You may be the life of the party now, but it won’t take long before the thrill will be gone. If you want to stay the life of the party, you better perform, or lose any and all status that you have acquired.
Don’t be blinded by this. There is another way. You can stay a steady course that involves thought and careful consideration. You can search for the one that you were meant to be with, rather than the one that happens to be right for you right now. Time is not your enemy here. Take it and use it wisely. There is no rush to avoid being an old maid or any of that junk. All that will happen will be that you are older and wiser and able to make better decisions. If the two of you are on the same page about this whole thing, then maybe, just maybe, I will change the title of this rant back to the way it is supposed to read. Stay tuned for part two. See you all then.
Mark A. Bradley
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