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Biblical-Thoughts on Suicide.
By: Joshua Dykstra
Before I go into the details of this writing I must state that this is in no way a cry for help. I am not a danger to myself, or others. The views described in this writing are solely my own thoughts gathered through study, prayer, and reflection.
A few weeks ago I had an accident which broke my collarbone, I didn't know it at the time but this incident was only the first of my "Plagues". I've often heard the phrase "Blessings don't cluster, but the Plagues do." The injury made me unable to work, which has put a pause on any income. With bills starting to pile up it became stressful wondering when I would be able to get back to work. Around this time my relationship also began having issues and before I knew it the relationship had ended. These things piled ontop of each other sent me into a downward spiral of depression. Shortly after this spiral began more problems started, my car died, and the issues of my injury continued to pile on. Communication between insurance companies, and my place of employment were difficult, It began looking like I was going to lose my job. after all of this my depression was deeper and darker then anything I've ever experienced. in a sense I felt like Job I had all of these things going for me and in a instant they were all taken away. I was in no way as strong as Job was, because it did not take long for satan to get his hands around my mind. Everytime I closed my eyes all I could hear was a dark whisper in the depth of my thoughts. "You have nothing, you are nothing, just give up and kill yourself. No one will miss you, and you'll be out of this difficult life for good. For three days I couldn't sleep because everytime I closed my eyes horrible images of me taking my own life would dominate my mind.
On the third sleepless night I caved in and began considering the option of killing myself. I have often heard the debate of if people who commit suicide go to heaven. I know the Bible says we are forgiven of our sins, and we can't lose our salvation but it came down to the thought of would a Christian really be able to take their own life? If the holy spirit is inside of you and your apart of the Joy of the Lord would you even want to end your own life? There are a few people who have commited scuicide in the Bible. Non of these people could really be described as holy Godly men, their deaths were more acts of desperation and shame. Also all but one person in the Bible who took their own life were in the old testament. So I took a look at what the Law would say about suicide, not to difficult since at the root the taking of your own life would be considered "Self Murder" clearly a violation of the law. Therefore I would have to conclude that if I was under the law and took my own life I would not go to heaven.
We're no longer under the law, and now we are saved by grace, but does this mean we can continue to do what we want and have no regards to what God tells us to do? Of course not in a sense we still follow the law as guidelines to live our life. However if we do sin we are forgiven and we can rest assured that we will not lose our salvation. After reading and thinking about all of these things I began to dig deeper and try to search for real life situations where a Christian who had taken their own life had in fact made a huge difference in peoples lives. There were many accounts of funerals where many people gave their lives to the Lord after hearing about the passing of a loved one. Many testimonies of how someone who had killed themselves had changed and made a difference in someboness life. At this point of my research I was convinced that taking my own life would be beneficial and would in no way be going against what God had planned for me. Satans grip was strong on my thoughts and before long he had fooled me into thinking it would be for the best if I was gone, if I would just give up.
A short time after this I was in sunday school, and the topic was Jonah. Just the mention of Jonah was enough to trigger a powerful stream of thoughts in my mind. God had given Jonah a task, but Jonah had decided that God didn't know what he was talking about and decided to disobey the Lord. We know how that turned out for Jonah he was stuck inside of a fish until he was ready and willing to follow the directions God had given to him. I realized that if I had decided to take my own life I would be no different then Jonah. I would be looking God in the eyes and telling him that I didn't agree with his plan, that he didn't know what he was doing, and that ultimately God was wrong. These statements make no sense to a Christian because none of the them describe the nature of God. When has God ever been wrong? When has Gods plan never worked out the way he wanted? Who am I to think I could go against what God had planned out for me.
This revelation was enough to knock satan out of my mind, and free me from the suicidal thoughts. However it was only a very small victory as I was still in a deep depression. It's horrifying when you have no idea what is in store for you., or where to go from here. I know as long as I stay grounded, as long as I keep pushing and moving forward God will reveal everything to me. These difficult life lessons that I have been learning for many years are only proving to make me stronger. I can see how God continues to push me, to break me, to mold me into what he wants me to be. I might not be able to see it now, but I know God has big plans for me and I patiently await for him to reveal his plan to me.
In conclussion to this short story I must say a few simple facts. Suicide is a very real very drastic thing. In no way should it be taken lightly, if you or someone you know is struggling with the same difficult thoughts or situations that I've described I urge you to reach out. Ask people close to you for support and encouragement. Seek after the Lord in study and prayer and focus on all of the good things in your life. Whether we can see them or not we always have something worth living for, we always have something good waiting for us. We must hold strong and continue pushing forward. Take it one step at a time, one day at a time and always remember that Jesus Christ gave his life for you and I so that we can truly find happiness.
Joshua Dykstra
B.T.M
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