Encouragement
“I will give thanks to You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.” Psalm 139:14
Have you ever felt unworthy of God’s love? Perhaps you have let your own shortcomings or failures come between you and God – separating His powerful and perfect love for you. Or maybe you don’t believe that God loves you just the way you are? That He knows your inner most being, including your shortcomings and failures, and loves and accepts you anyway? I have been in this dark place – my own insecurities have led my heart astray. But Psalm 139:14 says, “I will give thanks to You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.” Although I knew this verse… insecurities that have built up over many, many years put up a veil that separated me from the truth. And Praise God that He never stops fighting for us. No matter how hardened we are, or how lost in the lies of this world we are, He will lead us to healing in our heart, and tear down the veil that separates us from the truth!
God has been fighting for me in one specific area for many years… it’s been a long fight because I was so broken, so insecure, and so wrapped up in the lies that I have told myself since I was very young. I had learned over the years to believe that I am not beautiful, that I am not worthy, that I don’t deserve certain things in this life… because of my body. I’ve struggled with my weight since I was very young – 3rd grade, actually. And over the years, boyfriends who didn’t value me and always told me I needed to be thinner, have engrained in me that I am not WORTHY. I am UGLY. I have no value unless I’m SKINNY. And these lies engrained in my heart held me back from doing so much in my life. I can bring to mind a handful of things I wanted to do, but didn’t, because I thought I was too fat. I have lived with a daily battle – over the insecurity of how I look, the pain of daily emotional eating struggles, and the guilt of giving in and feeling like a failure. I went through this on a daily basis. Thinking everyone is judging me based on my weight, that everyone is paying attention to what I eat, and the guilt of eating something I shouldn’t have. It is such a burden to bear and it wears on your heart and soul! All because of my own insecurities, birthed from lie upon lie since I was 8 years old.
All along, God has been fighting for me. In fact, when Jesus finally rescued me and I experienced His perfect love, my life drastically changed. My perception of my worth and value drastically changed. My perception of this world and my beliefs drastically changed. And God is teaching me how to love and be loved. Everything in my life had drastically changed… EXCEPT THIS. This ONE THING. I could believe God’s word and apply it to so many other areas in my life, but the veil was still very much intact when it came to God loving me JUST AS I AM. Because even though God had given me a husband who loves me just the way I am, I was still insecure. I still battled emotionally with food. I still had overwhelming guilt over my inability to control it. And what I didn’t realize was… I had to let go of the insecurities BEFORE I could gain control. It was a vicious cycle that was eating me alive, and the only way to overcome it was with God’s help.
God pulled out all the stops last Friday. I went with a few girlfriends to a Women’s Night Out event sponsored by a local radio station, 95.9 The Fish. I didn’t know what was in store. I wasn’t sure what the message was going to be about. But God tailored this event just for me. The speaker that night was Amy Perry, from the musical group, Selah. She spoke about today’s verse – about how we are fearfully and wonderfully made! And she brought light to the truth in this verse for me by telling us her story. Amy, too, has struggled with her weight since she was very young. Her story was very similar to mine, in fact. I related to her and cried tear after tear because I knew the pain; I knew the battle; I knew the insecurity of letting our perception of our body hold us back from what God has in store for us. Mid-way through her message, Amy said, “My sister would look at me and tell me I was beautiful – and I thought she was lying.” I too, have never been able to believe this about myself. I knew in that moment, that God was talking directly to me.
The lyrics from one of the songs Selah sang sank deep into my heart: “You give the healing and grace our hearts always hunger for.” God can heal me – and I am starving for his healing! God can erase the insecurities and the lies that are etched into my heart because He created me, He knows my inner most being, and He LOVES ME JUST THE WAY I AM. He accepted me when no one else would. He loves me for ME – for who I am inside, regardless of where other men have lead me to believe my value lies. And what I realized was, I always felt my body made me unworthy of love – that it was something I had to fight for because I didn’t deserve it. But the truth is – the One who’s love matters more than anyone, tells us through the Bible that, “No power in the sky above or in the earth below – indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus.” (Romans 8:39) God used Amy Perry to tear the veil that was separating me from the truth. The truth about God’s unconditional love for me, the truth about the insecurities that I have carried with me the past 20 years, and the truth about my value and worth!
Friday night was the beginning of letting God in to heal me. To heal the scars that have built up from the insecurities and the lies that I have believed for 20 years. Jonny Diaz also sang one of his songs that etched deep in my heart: “Praise God we don’t have to hide scars. They strengthen our wounds and soften our hearts. And His scars are covering ours.” Jesus’ scars cover my insecurities, my pain, my battle with food… and Jesus OVERCAME! With Jesus and God’s healing, I know I can overcome, too. And this is the very first time I can say that and believe it with all my heart.
Website: Doves and Dandelions
E-Mail: [email protected]
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