Women
Good Girls, Bad Experiences
As we continue to explore the many obstacles of dating and relating we come to the most delicate and sensitive area that many law-enforcement personnel, medical practitioners and court room judges may handle unprofessionally. We must discuss the subject of Date Rape or Acquaintance Rape.
It’s hard for me as a man to fully understand how horrible rape is for a woman to experience. I can sympathize, but the violation is incomprehensible. I don’t feel as vulnerable to being raped as a woman would. However, I have come to realize that rape is another creature inflicting his will on someone without her permission. It is more than just the act of sex.
Acquaintance rape- is a type of rape that occurs between two people who know each other; usually forced intercourse on a date. It is someone victimizing you.
It is estimated that between 70 and 80 percent of all rapes are committed by people know to the victim. Be it a close relative or a desperate acquaintance. Many women are scarred by these awful experiences.
The Victims State
Many women feel guilty about things they had no control over. They feel guilty about being victimized. Many women played a role in their own demise. Others ignorantly fell for the bait and got trapped. Teens especially experience this horrible tragedy when they were virgins, good girls, untouched, unblemished and unharmed. Some innocent girls had not even seen any sexually immoral acts due to their strict upbringing. Let alone think that their acquaintance would commit one against them.
The bible does not hide the fact that innocent girls are raped. I believe that God allowed the authors to record these tragic experiences for the benefit of exposing this terrible experience and be very alert to the potential of these evil events. In one biblical story recorded in Genesis chapter 34. We have a brutal account of a virgin being raped by an acquaintance on the very first day they met.
Now Dinah, the daughter Leah had borne to Jacob, went out to visit the women of the land. When Shechem son of Hamor the Hivite, the ruler of that area, saw her, he took her and violated her. His heart was drawn to Dinah daughter of Jacob, and he loved the girl and spoke tenderly to her. And Shechem said to his father Hamor, get me this girl as my wife (Genesis 34:1-4 NIV)
Dinah did not go into the city to meet any men. She went out to visit the women of the land. She was a sister to 12 brothers who were fathered by Jacob. So it was natural for her to meet some girl acquaintances in the land of the Hivites.
Dinah is no different from the many teens who seek out female acquaintances today. It could be at the mall, the shopping district, the pizza parlor, the burger joint, the arcade, the school or the public library. Many girls seek out female company. However, she went out alone. Unprepared for what was about to take place. Dinah was a good girl, a religious holy girl, a virgin. Her wholesome mentality did not allow her the time to consider the potential threat of being raped.
She was unaware of the neighborhood lustful leaders. Like many girls who overlook the threat of local gang leaders in their area or the area they visit. Good girls should realize that most gang leaders or rulers have such an inflated and distorted ego they must feed by terrible and foolish acts, that their image and reputation is maintained by doing things that others would not dare do.
Most local gangs have female members who were raped by all the male members and forced to join or work as a stripper. Others were manipulated to join them and then sexually abused by all the male members. In any case, female gang members could easily set up the new girl on the block or the mall to be raped by the leader, than threatened to silence.
Few people in our country understand that there is little difference between the boys-in-hood drug-lords hanging out at the arcade, whose looking for the next new girl on the block to violate, and a rich young quarter-back jock with his teammates at the local mall who lustfully desires to pull a train of sexual abuse on a innocent girl on the football field underneath the bleachers. Teens should be aware of these facts by caring parents who should inform them.
The spirit of lust and sexual perversion has no regard for race, social status or economical stability. A yuppie driving a benz or a ghetto boy driving a late model customize low-rider have the same purpose when it comes to uncontrolled passions.
Violations by Relatives
The bible is also blowing the trumpet on secret relative rapes. Yes, they happen all the time, by a sick father, uncle, cousin, or your brother’s close friend. The bible tells about the story of David’s two teens, Amnon who rapes Tamar (his half-sister) by the influence of his cousin Jonadab. (The whole story 2 Samuel 13:1-16).
This tragic account in scripture shows us the importance of securing our young girls from lustful men. Gang leaders, rich rulers, and family members serve as a potential threat of committing an act of rape against an innocent girl.
Dinah and Tamar walked into a trap. Many young girls walk into a relationship with a wicked male acquaintance that’s filled with distorted passions, and his aim is to destroy her. He will attempt to do it in a secluded area to his advantage in a park while its dark…,in a car, while its parked…,on the beach during the night…, in a room when no one is in sight…, in a wild party when drinking and drugs seem alright.
No matter how it happens or where it happens. His ultimate goal is to ruin her destiny and future, to slash her self-esteem, to spoil what she was proud of, to break her integrity and assassinate her character.
She went into the park as a virgin… She went into his car a virgin… She went into his room a virgin… She let him into her room a virgin… She had her last drink as a virgin… She went to the arcade a virgin… To the movies, the mall, her so-called friends house a virgin. He lured her to that secluded place and when it was over she was a bleeding, trembling, crying wounded girl.
It’s a sad story. It also reveals what people can do to one another if left alone without any instruction or strong morals and principles, not to mention, the wisdom to avoid these traps. That’s why I’m writing in such detail so that I may inform those who have never conceived these ideas or patterns of abuses.
The Hidden Pain and Shame
Perhaps you’ve been raped like Dinah by some 6’2 220pound hunk from your high school or college football team. May be he was a local drug lord, pimp, pusher, or rich young yuppie wasp or some prominent leaders son. Perhaps you’ve been raped by your step-brother, father, uncle or cousin. Although you survived, yet, you knew you would never be the same.
Tamar said, to Amnon, No!... sending me away would be a greater wrong than what you have already done to me (2 Sam. 13:16) The rape and rejection was a double blow. Amnon abused and rejected her.
Perhaps you have spent every day since then tormented with painful memories of the savage night. Unable to sleep, feeling cheated, feeling dirty, unwanted, you can’t seem to lift your spirits up because you’re emotionally distraught about what had happen to you. You shout. You sing. You skip. But when no one is looking, when the crowd is gone and the lights are out, you are still that trembling, crying, wounded girl that’s been terribly abused, used and refused by your molester.
People move all around you, at home, at work, or in school and you laugh, even entertain them. You are fun to be around. But they don’t know. You can’t seem to talk about what happened in your life. You’ve hid it from your mother. You’ve hid from the rest of your family. Your best friend may pick something up that something maybe bothering you but you won’t admit it. You just decided to never tell anyone that this ever happened.
Raping you was horrible, but not wanting you is worse. When teens feel unwanted, it destroys their sense of esteem and value. Maybe, like Jacob’s daughter Dinah. The guy wants you even after raping you. Shechem wanted to marry Dinah after he raped her (Gen.34:1-4) A man who rapes first and wants to relate later is a man who thinks with lust instead of love.
There is Hope!
The Lord says, I want you. No matter how many men like this scoundrel have told you I don’t want you. God says, I want you. I’ve seen you what happen to you. I know you’re hurting deeply by this tragic event I’m here to help you overcome the terrible pain you had to endure. I’ve seen the aftereffects of what happened to you. I’m going to deliver you. I’m going to heal your emotional scars and wounds and restore your innocence as though this never happened I heal the brokenhearted. I will restore trust to your heart so you can love again. I will replace a godly desire for a man who I plan to bring across your path. You will know how to better date and relate to your new acquaintance. You will overcome by faith. Just believe because all things are possible to them that believe.
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