Humor
MONOLOGUE
What a day! Honest to goodness me, I’ve never know anything like it. I’ve been at the market down in the temple, trying to run a business, but I’m going to have to start again now. I’ve no idea how much it’s all going to cost. There I was, considerately minding my own business you know, as you do, trying to make some sort of a living for my commanding officer and our army of children, when all of a sudden, this alleged ‘Prince of Peace’, or so they say, comes bursting through the doors! Prince of Peace? Prince of Peace, my foot! I’ve never seen anything less peaceful in all my days. It’s bad enough trying to trade amongst all those religious voodoo people, praying in my space, getting all spiritual up in my area. You know, it’s a right put off to customers. They don’t want to be buying things around all that nonsense. Who wants to be surrounded by all that muttering mumbo jumbo? Honestly. I’ve asked to be moved to a better spot, but unless you know the big shot priests here there’s very little you can do about it. I have to make do with the space I’ve got. Terry’s bringing in a roaring trade from his birds, in his spot, because it’s tucked in the corner furthest away from these quacks! Some people! I said to one of them, short lady. She was a bit of a dwarf, funny eyes. I said “Look, love – if you can...you’re going to have to shift, or you’re going to get stepped on. I’ve got a business to run”. She wouldn’t shift, and her eyes were looking in two different directions. It started to freak me out, and would not have done my business any favours, whatsoever. So I had to get the officials to drag her off, along with her two little brats. Mind you, they could have been siblings because they were all a similar height...then, once I finally got my stall set up and business started to slowly come through, this nutter, there’s no other adequate way to describe him – absolutely potty madman starts throwing over all the tables. There were tables and chairs flying everywhere. Scared the absolute living night soil out of the birds. Literally, I was covered head to toe in it! I think that dwarf lady got buried. Filthy doves! I said to him, ‘Excuse me, sir!’ I said, ‘You’re going to have to pay for that’. Then he started going all holy on me. “My house shall be called a house of prayer, for all nations” he says. I said “that’s all very well, but my stall was a stall of expensive pots, for all blooming nations, and you’ve just gone and smashed them!”
Well I never...
© Jonathan Boustead 2010
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Jonathan, I love it! Your masterful, dramatic monologue skillfully raises the question, "Where are MY little booths of business?How will I respond when the Master comes to upset my own comfortable corners?" Humor that searches the soul, indeed. Blessings on you and your gift.
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