Healing
When I lost my daughter after her premature delivery, along with a memory keepsake box, the hospital gave me what they call a Grief Packet. It has actually been a good resource, though some of the information is typical, namely the part that discusses what’s normal in the grieving process, or the Stages of Grief. It’s a pretty common topic, so none of the stages listed sounded out of the ordinary to me, though admittedly, living through them is something entirely different. My family and my doctor watch me closely. They want me to grieve and not rush myself out of the process; it’s necessary, but they also don’t want me to cross over into depression. It’s going okay, I guess. I’m learning what’s normal in coping with loss in general, as well as the added emotions that may come with the loss of a child. I have felt more emotions at once in the past 2 weeks than I’ve felt in my life: sadness, anger, guilt, jealousy, inadequacy, withdrawal, insanity, fear of forgetting . . . It’s a rollercoaster, but God is carrying me through it.
As I work through all these emotions, I am careful to allow myself to express exactly what I’m feeling. I think it’s important. When I feel like crying, I cry. When I feel angry, I let myself be angry. I’m committed to not staying there, but I’ve decided that it’s better to just let it out rather than denying what I really feel. If I don’t, I figure I’ll end up having to deal with it later.
This tack of being completely honest with myself has been good for me. Especially in prayer. God knows anyway, so there’s no point in lying to myself. He told me to cast my cares on Him, so I decided to really take Him up on it (1 Pet. 5:7). I tell Him how angry and helpless I feel. I let Him know that I’m disappointed. I talk to Him about how I am confused and don’t know what to do. I seem to hear Him more clearly; it’s like I’ve gotten out of my own way. Though most of what I’m feeling is normal grieving, the Holy Spirit has shown me where some of the emotions that are surfacing are rooted in unforgiveness.
I wish there was a Forgiveness Packet. Forgiveness definitely has its stages, too. Denial, blaming/finger-pointing, anger, pride, jealousy, self-righteousness. The list goes on. And this is all before understanding that forgiveness is not for the other person, it’s for you. Then comes acceptance, the realization that you not only have to forgive, but you actually want to. But then what? I’m good with basic principles and instructions. I like them because it shows me what I can do, what I might actually have control over. But once I got here, I was stumped. I asked myself:
“Once I’ve worked through all these pre-requisites, how do I actually forgive someone? How?”
I wondered. I’ve heard people throw around the forgiveness concept likes it’s easy, but for so many people it’s not. If it were, it wouldn’t be such a hindrance. It obviously takes more than acknowledging the need for it. It’s more than simply choosing to forgive. It’s more than just saying the words “I forgive you.” Then I thought, maybe it takes time.
“No, that can’t be right. There’s no way of knowing how much time you have.”
Still stumped.
“But how?! What do I have to do?”
I thought of asking my dad. He’s a pastor, surely he’d have an answer for me. I considered asking my mother. She’s had her share of life experiences and is quick to suggest forgiveness as a step to emotional healing. I dismissed both those ideas. I knew they would each offer sound, biblical advice, but I also knew that it wouldn’t come without personal opinions and anecdotes. No, I wanted a pure, untainted answer.
So, I went into prayer. Surely, God wouldn’t leave me without an answer. My words were few and direct.
“Lord, help me to forgive. Show me how. Please.”
I waited. I listened. And I received His answer. “Trust Me.”
“What?” I didn’t quite understand it at first. But as I stayed in His presence, as I wrestled, it became clear.
“And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God, for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you.” Ephesians 4:32
Forgive as God has forgiven.
“Okay,” I thought, “I’m getting closer. So how did God forgive?”
I remembered the Holy Spirit’s words to me: “Trust Me.”
Then it all came together. Forgiveness is a display of trust, of confidence. Anytime anyone shows someone else forgiveness, they are saying that they trust in something.
Let’s say for instance, someone wrecks your car. Sure you’d be angry, and rightfully so. But if you have insurance, it’ll be easier to live with it. Yeah, your life has been temporarily disrupted, but soon you’ll have a rental while your car is being repaired. Or maybe even you’ll get a brand new car. Because you trust your insurance provider, you know that eventually everything will be worked out and you will soon resume life as usual. But what if you didn’t have that insurance? Every time you had to catch the bus, you’d be cursing the person who did this to you. Every time you were late because your ride was late, angry and embarrassed, you’d blame the idiot who created this inconvenience. Each time your hard-earned money had to go toward saving for another car, whenever someone asked what happened to your old one, you’d relive the account further angering yourself. Without insurance, you have no idea how this matter is going to be fully resolved, thus never forgiving the person who caused you to be in such a state.
It’s easy to demonstrate forgiveness when we can see clearly how things will work out. But what about when it’s not so obvious? God instructs us to forgive as He forgives. In order to do that, we have to trust Him. He knows that things will work out for our good, and He makes that promise to us (Rom. 8:28). He forgives us when we do wrong because He knows that He is able to fix anything that we are able to mess up. As God, He knows that He can do the impossible, so He doesn’t need faith. But we do. It’s impossible to please Him without it (Heb 11:6). We can’t forgive as He forgives without it. The same stake that God puts in Himself, He wants us to put in Him, trusting His ability to restore whatever part of our lives that we blame someone else for destroying. Our confidence has to be in Him, not in ourselves or our money or anything other than God.
“Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.” Proverbs 3:5
Real forgiveness is a trust issue, an exercise in faith. It’s a grand display of confidence. Our faith says that we trust the invisible work of God in our lives, in our favor.
“Faith is the confidence that what we hope for will actually happen; it gives us assurance about things we cannot see.” Hebrews 11:1 (NLT)
After that lesson, my prayer changed a bit.
“Lord, in obedience to Your Word, I choose to forgive. Help me to trust in Your ability to restore me where I have been broken. Increase my measure of faith so that I may be pleasing to You. Don’t let me be ashamed; my confidence and expectation is in You.”
PLEASE ENCOURAGE AUTHOR BELOW LEAVE COMMENT ON ARTICLE
Reader Count & Comments
Date
The opinions expressed by authors do not necessarily reflect the opinion of FaithWriters.com. This is especially true with articles that
deal with personal healthcare and prophecy. We encourage the reader to make their own decision in consultation with God, His Word, and others as needed.
This article has been read 756 times < Previous | Next >
Read more articles by Audrey Aaron or search for other articles by topic below.
This article has been read 756 times < Previous | Next >
Search for articles on: (e.g. creation; holiness etc.)
Read more by clicking on a link:Free Reprints
Main Site Articles
Most Read Articles
Highly Acclaimed Challenge Articles.
New Release Christian Books for Free for a Simple Review.
NEW - Surprise Me With an Article - Click here for a random URL
God is Not Against You - He Came on an All Out Rescue Mission to Save You
...in Christ God was reconciling the world to himself, not counting their trespasses against them... 2 Cor 5:19
Therefore, my friends, I want you to know that through Jesus the forgiveness of sins is proclaimed to you. Acts 13:38
LEARN & TRUST JESUS HERE
FaithWriters offers Christian reading material for Christian readers. We offer Christian articles, Christian fiction, Christian non-fiction, Christian Bible studies, Christian poems, Christian articles for sale, free use Christian articles, Christian living articles, New Covenant Christian Bible Studies, Christian magazine articles and new Christian articles. We write for Jesus about God, the Bible, salvation, prayer and the word of God.