This is telling, and in this case, I think I'd prefer a bit more showing (sorry). I actually think the 'telling' in the first sentence is fine, but that sentences two and three might work better as thoughts. Something like this, maybe?TracePezzali wrote:Hi
When she finally calmed down, Cassie knew she couldn't be annoyed at Jack. His venting was justified. Cassie knew she'd spoilt Ben and these were the results: A lazy self-absorbed immature fool wasted of his talents. She sank to the floor in grief and wished that she could repair previous mistakes. But of course, she couldn't. Dear God, how in my love I hated Ben into this!
Is this a 'telling' example? And if so, does it suitably work in this context - given that the rest of the story is focussed on seeing?
When she finally calmed down, Cassie knew she couldn't be annoyed at Jack. His venting is justified. We've spoiled Ben, and now he's a lazy, self-absorbed, immature fool. She sank to the floor in grief, wishing she could repair the past. Dear God, how in my love, I hated Ben into this!
You can see that a whittled away a few words, too--because that's what I do.
Here's the main thing, though--what you originally wrote is very good, and it definitely shows your promise as a writer. You're getting into the souls of your characters, and you're conveying those souls to your readers. Everything else is just polish.