Head Hopping
Posted: Sat Apr 09, 2016 9:07 am
Before I start in with this lesson, I have three brief paragraphs for you to read. These are excerpted and slightly modified from one of my recent challenge entries; for background, Joelle is a new foster child, Lynn is her foster mother, Chuck is the husband, and Kelsey is their biological daughter.
***
Lynn watched carefully as they started playing the game. Joelle stayed in her own universe for the first few turns; Kelsey popped the bubble for her and moved her little yellow pegs, keeping up an optimistic narrative. “See, Joelle? You just gotta get around the board, and then you go up this thing, and then you’re home, see? And when you get all four of ‘em home, you win! You try it, it’s fun!” Lynn finally let out a deep breath when something about Kelsey’s enthusiastic description finally registered. After several rounds, Joelle reached out and popped the plastic bubble herself, moving her peg the correct number of spaces.
Chuck and Lynn exchanged glances. Chuck really hoped this was a breakthrough. Now what do I do? He had a sudden urge to go read the foster parents’ manual again. Chapter 7: How Not to Totally Blow It When You Finally Make Some Progress. Unwilling to startle Joelle with his excitement, Chuck just said, “All right, then.”
A few turns later, Lynn popped a three. “Uh-oh, Joelle,” she said. Her throat was tight from the strain of desperate wishing, but she tried to make her voice light and fun. “I’m going to land on you. You have to go back to start.”
***
If you read the title of this lesson, or if you’re an astute reader, you’ll see what the problem is with those three paragraphs. The first paragraph establishes Lynn as the POV character of this story. The 3rd person narrator is occupying Lynn’s head, and can only report what Lynn knows, perceives, or infers. However, the second paragraph hops into Chuck’s head, showing us his feelings about Joelle’s participation in the game. Then in the final paragraph, we’re back in Lynn’s head. If you didn’t catch that the first time, go through and re-read it, and try to see where the ‘head hopping’ occurs.
The POV style in which only one character’s perceptions are known is called 3rd person limited, and it is the default POV of the great majority of contemporary 3rd person writing, and is generally preferred by contemporary publishers and readers. Another POV—3rd person omniscient—was preferred in times past.
3rd person limited POV is the POV that makes the most sense for the Writing Challenge, and is the one that’s most likely to be viewed favorably by the judges. After all, in only 750 words, you really only have room to fully occupy one character’s head. When you hop from character to character in such a short piece of fiction, you run the risk of not fully developing any of the characters. Choose the one who is most fully invested in the events of the story, or who will be most changed by what happens—that’s your POV character. In my story above, both Chuck and Lynn had an equal investment in their little foster child, so I just picked one; in this case, since I’ve been a mother, it felt more natural for me to write it from a mother’s viewpoint.
There might be times when you really need to fill the reader in on something that happens when the POV character is not ‘on stage.’ If that’s the case, one easy solution in tiny fiction like the Writing Challenge is to set aside the section that’s written in another POV with three asterisks. In longer fiction—a novel, for example—some writers give each POV character their own chapter or their own section within the chapter. For the challenge, I’d advise you against doing this too often—one switch is probably enough, and make sure that you signal it to your reader. Don’t do it like I did in the example at the beginning of this lesson. If it’s a matter of exposition—setting the scene or reporting on events that happened before the events of your story—an opening written in an omniscient POV could work (as in the epic novels of James Michener).
I looked through my old challenge entries for an example of an entry that switches POV in an acceptable way, but I couldn’t find one—maybe someone will leave one in the comments.
To summarize:
1. 3rd person limited POV is a good choice for the Writing Challenge and for contemporary fiction.
2. When writing in 3rd person limited POV, choose one character, and stick to narrating only what that character thinks, perceives, or infers.
3. Be careful not to hop into the heads of any other characters. Report their actions or behaviors as they’re observed by the POV character.
4. If it’s absolutely necessary to report something that happens when the POV character isn’t around to observe it, signal your reader, and give that event its own section.
I haven’t been giving ‘homework’ assignments recently, as they’ve gotten very little response. However, if you’d like to try something, re-write that second paragraph from the opening story, but stay in Lynn’s POV. I'd be happy to comment on your revision if you post it here.
Questions or comments about ‘head-hopping?’ I’d love to hear them.
***
Lynn watched carefully as they started playing the game. Joelle stayed in her own universe for the first few turns; Kelsey popped the bubble for her and moved her little yellow pegs, keeping up an optimistic narrative. “See, Joelle? You just gotta get around the board, and then you go up this thing, and then you’re home, see? And when you get all four of ‘em home, you win! You try it, it’s fun!” Lynn finally let out a deep breath when something about Kelsey’s enthusiastic description finally registered. After several rounds, Joelle reached out and popped the plastic bubble herself, moving her peg the correct number of spaces.
Chuck and Lynn exchanged glances. Chuck really hoped this was a breakthrough. Now what do I do? He had a sudden urge to go read the foster parents’ manual again. Chapter 7: How Not to Totally Blow It When You Finally Make Some Progress. Unwilling to startle Joelle with his excitement, Chuck just said, “All right, then.”
A few turns later, Lynn popped a three. “Uh-oh, Joelle,” she said. Her throat was tight from the strain of desperate wishing, but she tried to make her voice light and fun. “I’m going to land on you. You have to go back to start.”
***
If you read the title of this lesson, or if you’re an astute reader, you’ll see what the problem is with those three paragraphs. The first paragraph establishes Lynn as the POV character of this story. The 3rd person narrator is occupying Lynn’s head, and can only report what Lynn knows, perceives, or infers. However, the second paragraph hops into Chuck’s head, showing us his feelings about Joelle’s participation in the game. Then in the final paragraph, we’re back in Lynn’s head. If you didn’t catch that the first time, go through and re-read it, and try to see where the ‘head hopping’ occurs.
The POV style in which only one character’s perceptions are known is called 3rd person limited, and it is the default POV of the great majority of contemporary 3rd person writing, and is generally preferred by contemporary publishers and readers. Another POV—3rd person omniscient—was preferred in times past.
3rd person limited POV is the POV that makes the most sense for the Writing Challenge, and is the one that’s most likely to be viewed favorably by the judges. After all, in only 750 words, you really only have room to fully occupy one character’s head. When you hop from character to character in such a short piece of fiction, you run the risk of not fully developing any of the characters. Choose the one who is most fully invested in the events of the story, or who will be most changed by what happens—that’s your POV character. In my story above, both Chuck and Lynn had an equal investment in their little foster child, so I just picked one; in this case, since I’ve been a mother, it felt more natural for me to write it from a mother’s viewpoint.
There might be times when you really need to fill the reader in on something that happens when the POV character is not ‘on stage.’ If that’s the case, one easy solution in tiny fiction like the Writing Challenge is to set aside the section that’s written in another POV with three asterisks. In longer fiction—a novel, for example—some writers give each POV character their own chapter or their own section within the chapter. For the challenge, I’d advise you against doing this too often—one switch is probably enough, and make sure that you signal it to your reader. Don’t do it like I did in the example at the beginning of this lesson. If it’s a matter of exposition—setting the scene or reporting on events that happened before the events of your story—an opening written in an omniscient POV could work (as in the epic novels of James Michener).
I looked through my old challenge entries for an example of an entry that switches POV in an acceptable way, but I couldn’t find one—maybe someone will leave one in the comments.
To summarize:
1. 3rd person limited POV is a good choice for the Writing Challenge and for contemporary fiction.
2. When writing in 3rd person limited POV, choose one character, and stick to narrating only what that character thinks, perceives, or infers.
3. Be careful not to hop into the heads of any other characters. Report their actions or behaviors as they’re observed by the POV character.
4. If it’s absolutely necessary to report something that happens when the POV character isn’t around to observe it, signal your reader, and give that event its own section.
I haven’t been giving ‘homework’ assignments recently, as they’ve gotten very little response. However, if you’d like to try something, re-write that second paragraph from the opening story, but stay in Lynn’s POV. I'd be happy to comment on your revision if you post it here.
Questions or comments about ‘head-hopping?’ I’d love to hear them.