Be a Better Writer--SHOW, DON'T TELL
Posted: Sat Oct 24, 2015 8:46 am
Anyone who’s been writing fiction for a while has surely run across the saying, “Show, don’t tell.” It’s pretty much self-explanatory: in many cases, it’s better to show your reader what’s going on than to tell her.
A few examples:
TELLING: Jan was feeling depressed; she didn’t want to go outside or see anyone.
SHOWING: Jan felt as if she was covered by a gray shroud; it wrapped her so tightly that it pressed her into her bed.
TELLING: Three-year-old Katelyn was so excited to be going to Disney World. She didn’t care that it was raining—she just wanted to hug Mickey.
SHOWING: Katelyn let go of her mother’s hand and jumped into a puddle, laughing. She’d have jumped a dozen more times, but when she glimpsed Mickey Mouse up ahead, she abandoned the puddle and ran into his arms.
I’m sure you’re seeing the difference here. The ‘telling’ examples do just that—they tell the reader what emotion the character is feeling. The ‘showing’ examples engage the reader more, because they require her to draw a few conclusions.
In the first example, I used a metaphor for Jan’s depression—the gray shroud. The color of the shroud and the fact that shrouds are used for dead bodies should suggest depression to the reader, and then the fact that Jan could not leave her bed should reinforce that suggestion.
In the second example, I left off Katelyn’s age (because ages aren’t inherently interesting reading) and showed it by the little girls’ actions: holding her mother’s hand, jumping in a puddle. A reader might imagine the little girl as a two-year-old or a five-year-old given that information, but unless it’s absolutely vital that she’s three, that’s fine.
Those of you who enter the Writing Challenge might be thinking that it’s easier to ‘tell’ than to ‘show’ when you’re limited to 750 words. Even the examples above seem to reinforce that notion—the ‘showing’ examples are considerably longer than the ‘telling’ ones. While it’s true that it often takes more words to show, that’s not always the case. Consider these two examples that I first used in another lesson:
TELLING: It was 1928, and old Wilma Connor was worried about the coming winter. She wasn’t sure that she had enough wood for the fireplace. She walked to the icebox in her kitchen. There was only one small piece of ham there, and nothing else.
SHOWING: Wilma put a stick of wood on her dying fire and looked at the tinderbox. Empty. She pulled a threadbare shawl around her bony shoulders and thought about the small chunk of ham in her icebox. When it was gone, what would she do?
Both selections have the same number of words, but the first one tells you that Wilma is old and poor, and even what year it is. The second selection allows you to see Wilma and to get inside her thoughts. You can deduce the other facts based on objects in the paragraph (her shawl, the icebox).
You may have noticed that all of my examples so far have dealt with the emotions of the characters. That’s where telling shows up the most, in my opinion, because English has so many words that name emotions. Is just so easy to use one of those words—this is one starting point for you to examine your own writing. Look for ‘emotion’ words and ask yourself, Can I show the reader this character’s emotion instead?
However, you can also fall into the ‘telling’ trap when describing non-emotional scenes.
TELLING: The house looked like a haunted house.
SHOWING: It looked as if bats might fly out of the attic windows.
It’s worth repeating, I think, that showing is often better than telling because it requires more investment in your reading on the part of the reader. When you show, you ask your reader to make inferences and to draw on her own experiences and knowledge, keeping her engaged in your writing.
For a contrasting view that suggests times when you should ‘tell, don’t show,’ check out this lesson.
HOMEWORK:
1. Re-write this mostly-telling paragraph so that it contains more showing.
Josie felt really happy when she was with Charlie. It was their third date, and she thought maybe he was the one for her. But she had second thoughts when he took her to a scary movie. Josie had never been so frightened in her life, and she hated every second they were in the theater.
(Don’t feel as if you need to stick super-close to the details above. Take the circumstances—a promising relationship, a trip to a scary movie—and write them in your voice, with an emphasis on showing.)
2. Look through your own writing and find an example of a sentence or a paragraph that contain too much telling. Re-write it, and (if you’re brave) share the before-and-after paragraphs here.
3. Make a comment or ask a question about ‘show, don’t tell.’
A few examples:
TELLING: Jan was feeling depressed; she didn’t want to go outside or see anyone.
SHOWING: Jan felt as if she was covered by a gray shroud; it wrapped her so tightly that it pressed her into her bed.
TELLING: Three-year-old Katelyn was so excited to be going to Disney World. She didn’t care that it was raining—she just wanted to hug Mickey.
SHOWING: Katelyn let go of her mother’s hand and jumped into a puddle, laughing. She’d have jumped a dozen more times, but when she glimpsed Mickey Mouse up ahead, she abandoned the puddle and ran into his arms.
I’m sure you’re seeing the difference here. The ‘telling’ examples do just that—they tell the reader what emotion the character is feeling. The ‘showing’ examples engage the reader more, because they require her to draw a few conclusions.
In the first example, I used a metaphor for Jan’s depression—the gray shroud. The color of the shroud and the fact that shrouds are used for dead bodies should suggest depression to the reader, and then the fact that Jan could not leave her bed should reinforce that suggestion.
In the second example, I left off Katelyn’s age (because ages aren’t inherently interesting reading) and showed it by the little girls’ actions: holding her mother’s hand, jumping in a puddle. A reader might imagine the little girl as a two-year-old or a five-year-old given that information, but unless it’s absolutely vital that she’s three, that’s fine.
Those of you who enter the Writing Challenge might be thinking that it’s easier to ‘tell’ than to ‘show’ when you’re limited to 750 words. Even the examples above seem to reinforce that notion—the ‘showing’ examples are considerably longer than the ‘telling’ ones. While it’s true that it often takes more words to show, that’s not always the case. Consider these two examples that I first used in another lesson:
TELLING: It was 1928, and old Wilma Connor was worried about the coming winter. She wasn’t sure that she had enough wood for the fireplace. She walked to the icebox in her kitchen. There was only one small piece of ham there, and nothing else.
SHOWING: Wilma put a stick of wood on her dying fire and looked at the tinderbox. Empty. She pulled a threadbare shawl around her bony shoulders and thought about the small chunk of ham in her icebox. When it was gone, what would she do?
Both selections have the same number of words, but the first one tells you that Wilma is old and poor, and even what year it is. The second selection allows you to see Wilma and to get inside her thoughts. You can deduce the other facts based on objects in the paragraph (her shawl, the icebox).
You may have noticed that all of my examples so far have dealt with the emotions of the characters. That’s where telling shows up the most, in my opinion, because English has so many words that name emotions. Is just so easy to use one of those words—this is one starting point for you to examine your own writing. Look for ‘emotion’ words and ask yourself, Can I show the reader this character’s emotion instead?
However, you can also fall into the ‘telling’ trap when describing non-emotional scenes.
TELLING: The house looked like a haunted house.
SHOWING: It looked as if bats might fly out of the attic windows.
It’s worth repeating, I think, that showing is often better than telling because it requires more investment in your reading on the part of the reader. When you show, you ask your reader to make inferences and to draw on her own experiences and knowledge, keeping her engaged in your writing.
For a contrasting view that suggests times when you should ‘tell, don’t show,’ check out this lesson.
HOMEWORK:
1. Re-write this mostly-telling paragraph so that it contains more showing.
Josie felt really happy when she was with Charlie. It was their third date, and she thought maybe he was the one for her. But she had second thoughts when he took her to a scary movie. Josie had never been so frightened in her life, and she hated every second they were in the theater.
(Don’t feel as if you need to stick super-close to the details above. Take the circumstances—a promising relationship, a trip to a scary movie—and write them in your voice, with an emphasis on showing.)
2. Look through your own writing and find an example of a sentence or a paragraph that contain too much telling. Re-write it, and (if you’re brave) share the before-and-after paragraphs here.
3. Make a comment or ask a question about ‘show, don’t tell.’