

And no period after the first line will look good.
Opalescent foam,
cradles broken bits of shell.
Seagulls ride the wind.

Moderators: mikeedwards, glorybee
Ahhhhh. You're bringing back beach vacation memories, Pat! I'm feeling much more peaceful now.glorybee wrote:Pat, this is so pretty!Pat wrote:Opalescent foam.
Cradles broken bits of shells
Seagulls riding the winds.
I'm wondering if you need the period at the end of the first line.
And I won't mention that the last line has 6 syllables...
But I can see and smell Florida when I read this...makes me want to fly down for a quick visit!
Cat, it's adorable and cute--and you got the syllable count mixed up. This is 7,5,7--but it's supposed to be 5,7,5. Oops.CatLin wrote:I'm warming up to writing "Red" too, so I thought I'd try another Haiku - the "off-beat" type. Then I logged in and read Steve's wonderful post, so I'm going to have another go at it.
Thirteen pounds of speckled black
Hurtle down the lane
Ten pins explode on contact
(Guess what I was doing tonight?)
glorybee wrote:Cat, it's adorable and cute--and you got the syllable count mixed up. This is 7,5,7--but it's supposed to be 5,7,5. Oops.CatLin wrote:I'm warming up to writing "Red" too, so I thought I'd try another Haiku - the "off-beat" type. Then I logged in and read Steve's wonderful post, so I'm going to have another go at it.
Thirteen pounds of speckled black
Hurtle down the lane
Ten pins explode on contact
(Guess what I was doing tonight?)
So ... Objective is an external stimulus and subjective is internal?glorybee wrote:but the way I understand it, "objective" deals with things that are actually observed (or perhaps heard, felt, etc.), but "subjective" deals more with feelings, emotions, etc.
No, Jan, I think you should teach the class....you're good at bringing complicated ideas "down to earth". I had to read his points a couple times over before I understood....plus I'd be afraid of the homework Steve would assign!glorybee wrote: Steven, would you please teach this class? Seriously--I'm not being sarcastic or facetious here. You have so much more knowledge than I do. Write to me; maybe I can hand this one over to you and find another one more suited to my skills...think about it.
Yes, that's it in a nut shell. "Objective" (in the haiku context) basically means related to the five senses. Some folks have said that the heart of haiku is showing, not telling. What good practice for writers! Also, avoiding subjective words will mean avoiding many types of adjectives and adverbs. More good practice for writers! The key is to use objective WORDS to create either an insight or a SUBJECTIVE RESPONSE. Beyond that it is hard to say much without going way deep. One website that provides some guidance on this and other haiku issues and that is pretty short is here.glorybee wrote: the way I understand it, "objective" deals with things that are actually observed (or perhaps heard, felt, etc.), but "subjective" deals more with feelings, emotions, etc.
I agree Jan should keep teaching the class . . and I've already told her so. It's not just that I can't afford the time (which is certainly true), but it's also that as you say, Leah, she's so good at bringing things down to where it's understandable by everyone. And that's just one of the things that makes her such an incredible teacher!violin4jesus wrote: No, Jan, I think you should teach the class....you're good at bringing complicated ideas "down to earth". I had to read his points a couple times over before I understood....plus I'd be afraid of the homework Steve would assign!I think it's fine for you to explain the lesson, and have his input on topics. Makes for interesting discussion anyway.
I love it! Made for my first morning smile.violin4jesus wrote:Really bad haiku....
A warning for all who read:
Author lacks a point.
Hi, Colin!Colswann1 wrote:Icy chrystals surrender.
Thawed, by natures source of light.
A mutual connection.
Between you and Steve, we will definitely improve our poetry skills.glorybee wrote:Steven, thanks for your examples of objective and subjective words. That helps a lot!
I love the one with the dragonfly.