Jan's Master Class--SETTING

These lessons, by one of our most consistent FaithWriters' Challenge Champions, should not be missed. So we're making a permanent home for them here.

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Post by glorybee »

Verna, I certainly agree about Dee's story!

You're excused....poor puppy!
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Setting

Post by Colswann1 »

I chose this setting because in the dungeon of the tent it compounded the desolation that Miriam was experiencing because of the error of her way.

Link to this piece:

http://faithwriters.com/wc-article-leve ... p?id=23041

ps I submitted Slant Rhyme when you can get to it.
Colin Swann

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Post by glorybee »

Excellent job with the setting in your Biblical story, Colin! You chose some really excellent descriptive words that all added to the tone of bleakness.

Sorry I haven't gotten to all your posts yet--been gone for a few days. I'll try to catch up soon!
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Post by itsjoanne »

Okay, Jan, I was scanning some of the old classes, and the assignment for this one snatched me and got me intrigued.

Perhaps you will be interested to know I actually used the Pop-O-Matic from my kids' "Trouble" game to get my characters, etc. (I thought it was interesting, anyway!!) And, by the way, I'm writing this right here in the submission box (this isn't a challenge entry, after all! LOL)

I got:
1. preacher
2. waitress
3. busy city
4. 1603
5. shoe

**

People have been coming in all afternoon. The coronation of James this week has made this little tavern even busier than usual. And the talk is constant and heated. Sure, he'd done fine as king of Ireland and Scotland, but this was England.

Personally, it makes no difference to me. What I really need is to get off my feet. Serving all these men their meals is making my too-small shoes nearly burst. I wonder if the proprietor would allow me to work barefoot.

Before I get a chance to ask, I see a regular walk in. My countenance changes immediately. My wonderful husband, Preacher Stewart, saunters in and sits at a nearby table.

I hobble toward him, after getting the okay from the proprietor. "Don't be long, Miss. We have paying customers here."

"My dear, I have wonderful news." He hands me a lumpy cloth.

I unwrap it and squeal. A new pair of shoes. What a treat, and they are lovely. I slip out of my old ones and put on these, better-fitting ones.

"Don't wear them out, my dear," he says with a sparkle in his eye. "I'm doing the invocation at the coronation, and you'll be right beside me."

*

Not sure it's very good, but it was fun to write anyway. And I think I did a fair job of showing the setting.
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Post by glorybee »

Joanne, that was Pop-o-matically fun! Yes, you showed the setting very well...and I love the ending. You're such a fun writer.
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Post by srashmi »

Can't sleep so I'm trolling around here and reading old lessons. Hope you don't mind, Miss Jan.

Here's my homework.

The only sound in the usually busy city was the twittering of a few birds perched in the trees. Absent were the milkman, the newspaper delivery boy on his bicycle, and even Deputy Williams who usually stood at the entrance to city hall.

As Preacher Thompson strode across the street past town square, his eyes darted to the clock in the bell tower as it chimed seven times.

He quickened his pace. The town doctor had made another dawn phone call and Preacher once again left the confines of his home to attend to another grieving family.

This is the fifth one this week. When will this influenza end? he thought as he coughed and knocked on the door.
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Post by glorybee »

Hey Seema, I've got chronic insomnia, too! Are you on IM? Maybe sometime we could chat in the wee hours of the night.

Anyway, you did a great job with the small-town setting here, and also, with one cough, you established an atmosphere of fear and foreboding. This is SUPERB.
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Post by srashmi »

glorybee wrote:Hey Seema, I've got chronic insomnia, too! Are you on IM? Maybe sometime we could chat in the wee hours of the night.

Anyway, you did a great job with the small-town setting here, and also, with one cough, you established an atmosphere of fear and foreboding. This is SUPERB.
I have MSN messenger for IM. I think I can get the Windows one, too. Will have to wait until I get my laptop back though.

Glad you liked my homework. I think I may have to expand it.
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Post by glorybee »

Oooh, PM me with your "messenger" name, and I'll add you. Maybe we can have a late night chat.
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Re: Jan's Master Class--SETTING

Post by Athayde »

Hi, Jan, here is my shot:

3- a homeless man
5- a doctor
2- the mall or market
4- one dark and stormy night
5- a shoe

It was a dark and stormy night. Dr. Philip Dodd strode across the snowy parking lot towards the Market's main entrance. When he was about to reach the door, an old homeless man approached him. The old man wore a ragged dirty cloak and only one shoe.

"Excuse me, young man..." said the old man, and stood before Dr. Dodd. "Could it be that you saw my left shoe somewhere there, between the cars?" Dr. Dodd looked at the man's wrinkled face and recognized it. It was the face of a man he hadn't seen since he was a little boy.

Is it alright?

Thanks.
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Re: Jan's Master Class--SETTING

Post by glorybee »

Athayde wrote:Hi, Jan, here is my shot:

3- a homeless man
5- a doctor
2- the mall or market
4- one dark and stormy night
5- a shoe

It was a dark and stormy night. Dr. Philip Dodd strode across the snowy parking lot towards the Market's main entrance. When he was about to reach the door, an old homeless man approached him. The old man wore a ragged dirty cloak and only one shoe.

"Excuse me, young man..." said the old man, and stood before Dr. Dodd. "Could it be that you saw my left shoe somewhere there, between the cars?" Dr. Dodd looked at the man's wrinkled face and recognized it. It was the face of a man he hadn't seen since he was a little boy.


Is it alright?

Thanks.
Yes, this is quite good, and it has a lot going for it. The hint at the meat of the story (when the doctor recognizes the homeless man) would be enough to hook the readers' interest.

I'd only caution you against starting with "It was a dark and stormy night." It was the setting you chose, and that's fine, but the phrase itself is a bit of a cliche, and it would be preferable to establish your setting without using a worn-out phrase.
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Re: Jan's Master Class--SETTING

Post by Athayde »

Oh, Jan, what an important remark you've just made! Elegant!

Dr. Philip Dodd strode through the stormy and dark night, and crossed the snowy parking lot towards the Market's main entrance. When he was about to reach the door, an old homeless man approached him. The old man wore a ragged, dirty cloak and only one shoe.

"Excuse me, young man..." said the old man, and stood before Dr. Dodd. "Could it be that you saw my left shoe somewhere there, between the cars?" Dr. Dodd looked at the man's wrinkled face and its right shoe, and recognized them... It was the face and the right shoe of a man he hadn't seen since he was a little boy.

***


Thanks.
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