Previous Challenge Entry
Topic: Bullies (08/09/04)
TITLE: Why Are Daddies Bullies?
By Cindy Bonner
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Growing up with the turmoil of fighting parents, why canít Daddy and Mommy be friends? Do they always have to fight to talk? Why doesnít Daddy hug me and tell me a story? Why does he touch me so I feel funny inside and I am scared? Doesnít Daddy love Mommy any more? Did she do something wrong?
He is saying he is happy with me, but I feel dirty and Mommy hates me. She says Daddy loves me better than her. I just want us to be happy as a family, but I donít know how.
Now Daddy hits Mommy and it makes me so sad. Sometimes he hits me and when he does, he smells funny like dirty smoke. Not like clean smoke from the fireplace, an icky smoke that smells bad.
I canít ever be a good girl any more; I canít make Daddy happy any more. He is angry with me all the time.
When I am at school, I see my girlfriends with their Daddies and they are so happy with them. My Daddy is only happy when he is alone with me, and making me feel funny. When he is done with me, I wash up in the bathroom, but I canít get clean. I start to cry, because I donít understand how to get clean again. Why is this happening to me? I ask God to help me and I wash myself until I start to bleed. I am still not clean. Why canít I get clean, God?
I begin to tell God everything, because no one listens to me. Daddy runs away and Mommy tells me it is because he hates me. I donít understand. Why does he hate me? God, how can I love myself, if my Daddy hates me? Why is he doing this to me?
Mommy is distant from me and gives me no comfort.
I am starting to understand that maybe she doesnít know how to comfort me, because she doesnít know how to comfort herself.
As the years go by, I start to pray that Daddy will learn to hug me like a normal Dad, instead of making love to me. Why am I so attractive in that way? I am an ugly girl, unfit for anyone with a pure heart.
Why are Daddies bullies? We love them so muchÖ