The Official Writing Challenge
This article has been read 561 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
07/21/16
Okay! I didn't see that one coming. :)
I enjoyed your delightful sense of humor. Your conflict was intense and kept me on the edge of my chair. My only critique would be to introduce Uncle Tom sooner. I was halfway through, thinking it was a parent, but when those were shown not to be true, it interrupted the flow for me. I loved the ending, and I'm a suckered for a good twist. I think you could have still kept the surprise ending, but mentioned Uncle Tom right off. Now I'm going to read it again to see if I missed any clues. You did a great job of covering the topic too.
I guess it wasn't halfway through when I ruled out the parents, but in the second paragraph, but it still had me scratching my head. ;)
07/27/16
Loved it! You got me hook line and sinker! Never expected the twist at the end and even thought saying he was going “up to Nan’s bed for the night” was a mistake, until the next line! Also was glad Jessica’s dad stood by her, when snooty mother would not. This was an enjoyable read.