Previous Challenge Entry (Level 4 – Masters)
Topic: STIR (11/12/15)
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TITLE: Pick Up a Pitchfork | Previous Challenge Entry
By Sherry Hoffcastel
11/19/15 -
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Mae wrapped her niece in a hug and placed a stack of cookies on the table. “You know, ever since I retired all I’ve wanted to do is be in the kitchen. I’ve been making a new dessert every week lately!”
“Well, in that case I might have to make these visits a weekly occurrence.” Lilly winked and poured hot tea into two mugs. “It’s good to see you again, Aunt Mae.”
“Well, it’s good to be seen! Now, tell me what’s going on. You sounded a bit dejected on the phone.” Mae said.
“Frankly, Auntie I’m restless. My job is a dead end. My kids are growing up and becoming more independent. I just feel…stagnant, unfulfilled, and useless no matter how busy I get.” She twisted a lock of hair as she stared into her teacup. “By the way, these cookies are delicious.”
Mae patted her hand. “Thank you, dear. Have you seen my compost pile?”
“Excuse me?” Lilly furrowed her brows and cocked her head. “No, I have not seen your compost pile.”
“Well, you must see it! It is my pride and joy!”
“Well…ok.” Lilly cautiously followed her aunt, wondering if her pastor was still in his office.
“My goodness, your roses are beautiful! I can see why you love to spend so much time out here, Aunt Mae. Your garden is like a work of art!”
“That’s an interesting choice of words.” Mae muttered. “Would you like to know why my garden is so lush?” She walked into her shed and came out with a pitchfork.
“You can’t be serious.” Lilly said. “How does a pitchfork produce such lovely blooms?”
“I’m glad you asked!” Mae led Lilly to the furthest corner of the yard. There she found a large pile of dirt, dead leaves, and vegetable and fruit peelings. “One reason I bought this house is because I liked the location. No rear neighbors!”
Lilly wrinkled her nose. “That’s a good thing! I wouldn’t want to be your rear neighbor. How can you stand the smell?”
“Oh, I’ve grown to love it. That smell means that the compost is happy.”
“Aunt Mae, the more you talk the less I understand…”
“Let me explain. This pile is providing my garden with a rich fertilizer for my roses. A thriving compost pile needs a perfect blend of air, water, and fresh “ingredients” if you will.”
Lilly swiped at a fly. “I’m with you so far, but what does the pitchfork have to do with it?”
“The pitchfork is the most important part.” Mae said. “All of these elements are vital but if the ratio is out of whack the pile will grow moldy, essentially becoming stagnant and… well, useless.” Mae inserted the fork into the pile and turned it, forcing the older material to the top and the newer underneath. “The compost is ineffective without a good stirring. I’m out here two or three times a week tossing this pile like a Caesar salad. Which brings us to the heart of the matter; when was the last time you painted?”
Lilly looked up, startled. “Oh, it’s been a long time. Between the job and the kids and my volunteer work at church…besides, I’m no Cathe Hendrick. I can’t make a living with my art.”
“What if I told you that the answer to all your problems is in the stir?”
“Aunt Mae, I don’t have time for a compost pile.”
“You’re missing the point, dear. You are an artist. You’re restless because you’re not using the talent that God gave you. 2 Timothy 1:6 tells us to stir up the gift of God which is in you. Come here, I want to show you something.” Lilly followed Mae into the house.
“Take a look at these walls, dear. What do you see?”
“I see my paintings.” Lilly chuckled. “Some of these aren’t even that good.”
“Does it matter? I remember a young girl once telling me that art made her happy.”
“So you’re saying that the restlessness will go away when I start painting again?”
Mae nodded. “Joy and fulfillment comes when we use our gifts and talents for His glory. When you walk in your purpose doors will open and you’ll find contentment.”
Lilly’s eyes twinkled as a smile crept across her lips.
“Aunt Mae, forgive me but I have to go.”
“Where are you going, dear?”
“I have to buy a new canvas. Suddenly I’m inspired.”
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I'd urge you to count how many times you used exclamation points. I bet you'll be surprised. They were all in dialog, which is good, but still in a piece this size, you should have one, maybe two at most. Your word choice is great and does the exclaiming for you, which is far more powerful than punctuation.
The other thing that threw me off a bit was: Lilly cautiously followed her aunt, wondering if her pastor was still in his office.
I'm not quite sure why this is important, but I'd guess you needed to cut some words, and on the floor are words that would explain this. It's happened to me a few times too.
Overall, you did an awesome job on this story. You pulled me in right off and kept my attention all the way to the end. Your message is powerful, and I loved your take on the topic. It was wonderfully fresh (pun kind of intended ;) ).
You left me with a warm feeling at the end. Congratulations on ranking 18th overall! Happy Dance!