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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 4 – Masters)
Topic: CHECKING IN OR OUT (hotel/motel on vacation) (08/27/15)
There’s a guy behind the counter drinking coffee,
I walk inside the door and ring the bell,
He keeps on watching “I Love Lucy,”
Ignoring me so then I have to yell.

I ask him for his cheapest cleanest room,
He smirks and says they’re all the same,
He throws a key at me and takes my money,
He doesn’t even ask me for my name.

I get the feeling I should be a little worried,
He smells of beer and old, stale, sweat,
His stomach pooches out behind a dirty T-shirt,
His head about as bald as one can get.

I take the key and ask if they have room service,
He chuckles and shakes his shiny head,
“Sir, this ain’t no five-star hotel,
You’re lucky just to find a lumpy bed.”

I guess I should have looked for better lodging,
But my car is overheating as we speak,
It’s midnight and the only place for miles,
And I think my front tire has sprung a leak.

My room is to the right just down the hall,
I turn the lock with my old rusty key,
I find a room that reeks of mildew,
Dust and dirt are all that I can see.

I leave to go and find old Baldy,
Still glued to his portable TV,
I tell him I can’t stay in such a room,
Might he find a cleaner one for me?

He says he’s awfully sorry,
He had to fire his lazy cleaning crew,
But I can sleep in my car for free,
That’s what other people do.

Old Baldy laughs and gives me back my money,
Shrugs and tells me that’s his best,
I leave to find the backseat of my car,
The better place to get a little rest.

What started out as just a small vacation,
To be alone with me, myself, and I,
Has me in the back seat of my Honda,
Thanking God for stars up in the sky.
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This article has been read 787 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
C D Swanson 
09/04/15
Wow- This was such a clever read! I loved the entire piece, and the style in which you wrote it.

Descriptive, lively, engaging and truly an inspirational message at the end.

I loved it, excellent job...you are an amazingly talented writer, you can write about anything and in any given style.

God Bless~
Sherry Brock
09/06/15
Delightful!! Love your writing style.
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 
09/07/15
I love this. The flow is perfect, and your sense of humor divine. I could picture this so clearly. I could almost smell the stale air. You are brilliant. My red ink is tiny. I know punctuation is a personal style choice in poetry, but the commas at the end of each line distracted me. I'm sure you had a reason for the three commas and period in each stanza, but because sometimes it turned the line into a run-on, it did distract me. Like I said, it was tiny red ink. Overall, I think you wrote a genius inspired poem. The ending was perfect. I loved it. I wish I could say more, but wow says it best. Wow! This is one of my favorites this far.
C D Swanson 
09/10/15
Lynn I loved this. Congratulations it's a winner completely in my eyes.

I'm so glad you received an EC for this great piece of work, straight from your heart.

God bless~
Noel Mitaxa 
09/10/15
Congrats on your EC. Great work, and given how you've described your courteous, helpful host and the ambience of your accommodation, your choice of where to sleep is completely Honda-standable.
Well done, Lynn.
Loni Bowden-Horn 
09/13/15
Lynn,

Congratulations on your EC win. I liked your witty and entertaining poem. I had an experience in a motel like this one. Unfortunately, I rode a train so I didn't have a car to sleep in.