Previous Challenge Entry (Level 4 – Masters)
Topic: I SURRENDER ALL (to God) (don’t write about the song) (05/07/15)
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TITLE: I tried that once | Previous Challenge Entry
By Jack Taylor
05/12/15 -
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That’s what the woman said to me the first time we met at the gym. I stepped up on the treadmill parallel to her and nodded. She nodded back. I smiled. She smiled. I said, “nice outfit.” That’s when she said it loud and clear, “I don’t believe you.”
The words on the wall nearby were bold and straightforward, OUT WITH JUDGEMENT, IN WITH COURAGE. I responded, “I tried that once.”
She looked confused, but kept looking straight ahead as if I wasn’t there. Her brilliant blue tights with the emerald green stripe and yellow stars stood out among the others of us in shorts or sweats. Her well-developed calf muscles showed evidence of hours on a bike or on the trail. Her long dark hair was clipped back and hung five inches past her shoulders. Her upper half was a perfectly formed statue attached to legs in motion.
I turned up the pace and soon was panting. When I finally slowed down I looked over my left elbow and she was staring at me.
“Are you trying to kill yourself?” she said.
I slowed the treadmill down to almost nothing and stared back, “I tried that once.”
She shut off her machine and stood down while rubbing her thighs aggressively. “What is with this ‘I tried this once?’ That’s the second time you’ve said it.”
I shut my machine off and nearly tripped as I stepped off too quick. She caught me by the arm and steadied me.
“Why do you keep saying ‘I tried that once?’”
I yanked the elastic off my pony tail and shook my red hair loose. Her chocolate eyes were intense. “The first time I meant that I tried not to believe once. The second time I meant that I tried to kill myself once.”
She moved to a nearby bench, put her right foot up and started stretching. “Sounds like a story,” she said. “If you want to share it I’m done in fifteen. You can meet me at the coffee bar down the hall.” With that she walked away and moved to the stationary bikes. Her calves were going to get another work out.
I was settled with my non-fat mocha latte in the corner of the coffee bar a good five minutes before wonder-girl walked in. She grabbed a cranberry juice and straddled the chair across from me. “Name’s Essy.”
“Tina,” I said.
“So, Tina, you’re still alive and believing. Spill!”
No time for niceties. She was straightforward so I tried to follow her lead. Time must be short. “Used to believe in God when I went to Sunday School. Started doubting when a drunk took out my mom two days before grad.” I watched her sipping her cranberry juice. She was still watching me. “University prof finished off any faith I had when he took advantage of me in his office. Tried to overdose, but someone found me.”
She shook her cranberry juice and examined the bottle cap. “Sounds like a good reason not to believe.”
“As I said, I tried that once.”
She looked two tables over at a trio of women laughing and then lowered her eyes. “I can relate with your story, only for me it was an uncle. I still don’t believe.”
“Is that also why you don’t accept complements?”
She tipped the bottle up to her lips a final time and after draining it she set it down with a solid thud on the table between us. “My beauty salon has this poster of an incredible model right near the entrance. There’s a mirror next to it. Every time I see myself next to her I know that what everyone says about me is a hoax.”
I sipped my latte while I prayed. “Makes sense to me,” I said. “I used to feel this incredible fog swallow me up every time I heard that voice inside telling me I was a dirty piece of trash. Until I met Jesus in person and completely surrendered myself to him I couldn’t get past it. I felt I was Lazarus called by Jesus to be alive but not sure how to get rid of the grave clothes wrapped around me.”
“So, how did you get free?”
“One day I was walking in a garden and I watched a sparrow darting through the trees. A voice seemed to say, ‘that can be you if you just surrender.’”
“So?”
“So, I surrendered.”
“Everything?”
“Everything!”
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I feel like the ending was a bit rushed. I want to know what happened after that, even if it's just a "Well, that was nice." and she left. It feels a bit unfinished to me.
I liked the repeated line of "I tried that once." It helped bring in your message.