Previous Challenge Entry (Level 4 – Masters)
Topic: Husband and Wife (08/08/14)
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TITLE: This Boy and This Girl | Previous Challenge Entry
By Francy Judge
08/14/14 -
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This boy spoke English, yet went to a French elementary school. His parents said it was the best school near their apartment. He didn’t learn much French, maybe: “Est-ce-que je peux aller aux toilettes?” and other essential phrases. Most of the time he struggled to understand the teachers and their lessons, but he was funny and could twist humor out of any situation.
This boy liked to play stick ball with his friends who lived in the same apartment building. He liked riding his Huffy bike to Central Park…but one day a group of teenagers surrounded him and pushed him off his bike. The tallest thief hopped on the bike and rode off with his friends, laughing. Their voices faded in the distance as the boy walked home with blood dripping from his scraped knees. He didn’t cry because this was the city.
That year he and his parents, two brothers and three cats moved to the south shore of Long Island, a beach town, just a short train ride from the city. He had fresh air but no friends…so he drew pictures and cartoons for hours, every day. He drew the cats he didn’t know he was allergic to and took asthma medicine to help him breathe.
The boy played baseball in high school as a starting pitcher. He didn’t care for the beach since his skin would turn red as raspberries, so he stayed indoors and drew more cats and caricatures. After graduating high school, he went to the School of Visual Arts in Manhattan to draw some more. He worked at an art store with a nice girl who got him to think about God.
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There was a girl, born on the north shore of Long Island. Her mom loved helping people and her smile could lift anyone’s mood; if that didn’t work, her Bostonian accent with its missing r’s could cause a chuckle. She had green eyes with long, curled eyelashes. The girl wished she would grow up as beautiful as her mom and someday be a model or at least a princess.
Her dad had a job helping kids with bad parents. Whenever he was home, he would draw. The girl watched him sketch landscapes, fruit, and portraits, the loose way he held his pastels, the slow and quick strokes, the energy created as he covered the page with color. His drawings looked so real. She listened when he explained what made the Mona Lisa special and why Picasso’s Guernica was famous.
She knew she could draw so she did, mostly models from fashion magazines. She drew more than she talked at school and hated being called shy, but she always had a best friend. After the girl lost one friend to cancer, she didn’t let anyone get too close, always afraid it could happen again. She reserved a secret part of her that wouldn’t open up to her parents, sister, or friends.
No one knew how or why she wanted to be so thin. She didn’t know either, but lost control, but somehow survived high school living on cereal and cucumbers. After graduating, she moved into the dorm at the Fashion Institute of Technology in Manhattan to study design and illustration. Her second roommate was a gift, a girl who told her God loved her.
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There is a God who knew this young man and this young lady before they were conceived; He knew the day they’d meet in an art store. He knew the intricate yet fragile threads of their years and how perfectly they would weave into a chord. He knew what they would be together. This man would take her hand in his as they strolled the city streets, and they would share their past, their love for art, and their new faith in Christ. She made him feel whole. He made her feel beautiful.
God knew they would stand before Him under a cloudless sky and vow to love one another with the Lord as their foundation. He knew the struggles, the storms, the fears, but He would be their helper, their friend, and rock to lean on. He would bless them with joy and a full house of four boys and a girl. He knew what they would be together…husband and wife. And it is good.
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You have the content here for a really great story and I enjoyed reading it.
I think this account would really come to life and shine brighter if you were to do more showing and a little less telling of the story. For example: I'd shorten it, leaving room to describe surroundings, sights, sounds, smells, facial expressions, feelings and body postures, etc.
Hope that helps in some way. You have a great talent. All the best in your future writing!
Great job with this entry. Super approach to the topic.
God bless~
God bless~