Previous Challenge Entry (Level 4 – Masters)
Topic: Wolf in Sheep's Clothing (11/21/13)
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TITLE: Led Astray | Previous Challenge Entry
By Leola Ogle
11/28/13 -
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Lies flowing from his lips, gently soothing
Humble as a lamb, angel of light
Masking his identity, darkness of night
Captivating, scintillating, mesmerizing
Honey flowing from the serpent’s tongue
Inviting, exciting, enticing, conniving
Promises of things to come
Sweet maiden fair, young man unaware
Dreams of future bright, filled with delight
A family and home, hers alone
A car, a career, so far yet so near
With beguiling words, a sharp-edged sword
Wore down her defenses, numbed his senses
Yielding her virtue, drugs he clung to
Angel of Light, darkness of night
Harmless yearning, charmingly alarming
Illusion, delusion, confusion
Innocence lost at a terrible cost
No gentle lamb, this wolf-like fiend
Stealing, sharp tooth and claws revealing
Innocence yielded to the lying sword wielded
Babes to the slaughter, our sons and daughters
Oh, Father! Hear the wail of this mother
Return the children from the land forbidden
Gone away, led astray into darkness from day
Oh, Father! Hear the cry of this mother
Return the children from the land forbidden
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You weave an incredible tapestry of words here. This piece is simply mesmerizing and I am in awe of your masterful use of language. And while I am hopelessly unqualified to make any suggestion to someone as skilled as yourself in creating poetry, there is one small thing that broke the spell for me, momentarily. The word "yet" in the last line of the third stanza. It seems to my untrained brain that that line might flow better if that word was just plucked out. But, I clearly do not know what I'm talking about, so please feel free to ignore that completely if it makes no sense at all.
Again, I cannot express enough how excellent ("yet" withstanding) I found this piece to be. Thanks for sharing.
God bless~