The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
07/17/09
I loved the way the deep discussion took place against the back drop of the pitching and catching of the ball. It gave it a very genuine feel. Guys normally only open up when they are doing something; unlike us women who want to lock eyes and make sure we have 100% of our friend's attention! Nicely done.
07/18/09
The conversation felt real in this piece. Natural and authentically worded. Good job.
07/19/09
Quite imaginative with excellent atmosphere.

When I read a piece like this I always wonder its source of inspiration.

I loved the line "... throwing fractured light across the field."

(one tiny typo with the word "tire's")
07/20/09
This had wonderful atmosphere and smooth, easy dialogue. Loved Brad's epiphany.Great writing!
07/21/09
I greatly enjoyed the rich atmosphere and dialogue of this piece. But I also picked up on some the cultural and philosophical ideas that underpin the clash of ideas and intentions, from Zoroaster to Thomas Aquinas to even a touch of Nietzsche. Wonderfully well done. No wonder the young man wanted to know more.
07/22/09
My favorite part of this is the on-going sound effects of the ball tossing--it brings back SO many memories of softball games through the years. It adds an authentic feel to the setting of summer, too.
As always, I enjoyed your descriptions. You excelled in showing the setting and in revealing the characters through dialogue.
07/23/09
Extremely well written. I love basbeball and could easily imagine this conversation taking place. Excellent job. God bless.