The Official Writing Challenge
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Member
Date
05/29/09
Ooooh, glad the Corruptor didn't win this time. Nice job and so appropriate for this time.
Very thought provoking. The part about the angel having to leave him disturbs me - God said He would never leave us, but I don't know if He said He'd remove his protection from evil. Like I said, thought provoking. It made me smile that the angel's distracting the demon with his questions made him leave his post. Great read!
06/03/09
Vivid writing - enough to scare the living day-light of you. Demon's designs can be defeated though. Thanks for sharing this serious piece.

Colin
06/03/09
Atmospheric, compelling, suspenseful!
06/03/09
I liked this. I always like stories about the unseen battle. Reminds me of This Present Darkness and Piercing the Darkness. Very good.
Whoa! Very well done! Intrguing and good dialogue. I like the voices. Great job!
These "free will" questions are so complex and perplexing. The Corrupter almost made it sound like he was totally in charge and the Angel a mere, temporary nuisance. I think it would have been a fair question as well for the Angel to ask of the Corrupter, why does he do what he does...does man need to be tempted if he is already morally dark and doomed? I think the point about the Angel leaving forever is a good one as it leaves out possible redemption regardless of how far down in the pit man falls.This was a great atmospheric piece, the dialogue talking about the man in the 3rd person was super and believable.
I SO wanted the angel to win. Glad that he did. This was great and your title makes perfect sense now. I liked this and the ending, that last line was PERFECT!!
06/03/09
Your vivid descriptions showed exactly what you wanted us to see. The battle wasn't violent, but it was still a battle and the right side won. This is well-written all around!
06/03/09
This was a thought provoking story, lots to "chew on" later. Thoroughly enjoyed the intrigue. Excellent use of dialogue.
Very creative take on the angel/demon dialogue. I'm sooo glad you didn't make them into tiny beings on the man's shoulders! Great work.
06/04/09
Oooo, I really liked this! Great dialogue, and a deeply relevant subject to base this around. Well done!
06/04/09
Excellent. Personally I like the way that you haven't tried to tie all the angelology together. Even Peretti's fictionalised confrontations are held together with yards and yards of poetic licence and supposition. I also found myself asking why the two beings were the way they were. And as such you engaged me as a reader at a deeper level than the simple narrative. Well done.