The Official Writing Challenge
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Date
02/20/09
This is a well-written story. I liked the idea of seeing the beauty of God's creation in Himachal (truly a beautiful place). You included a lot of accurate details (such as the white robe and the Pahari language).

Since you asked for a critique...Appam would be eaten mainly in South India (although I suppose you could find it available up north). Also, Shimla is south of the park you mentioned. Most likely the tourists would have gone to Shimla first, but perhaps they took the long way. LOL. Too bad you didn't mention the beautiful Christ Church in Shimla. Would have added an extra detail to the piece.

Just as an aside, Shimla is the top Indian honeymoon destination. ;)

I really enjoyed reading this piece.
02/22/09
Very believable, well-written story. It was easy to read. The characters were genuine. Loved it.
Mona
02/23/09
I enjoyed this story.
02/23/09
Such wonderful characters and dialogue especially. I was engaged so much in this delightful piece.
02/24/09
I enjoyed this a lot. Would love to get Kevin back home, I bet his parents miss him. Great story.
Shirley, this was an enjoyable read.
The only red ink I might note is that it is short on conflict, but that may have been your intention.
02/24/09
I really, really like Kevin. Dang girl! You have a way with men. :P

Kevin fumbled with his fork. ... Isn't this supposed be Jeff?

> A tear slipped down Shari's cheek. <

How long has she known him? 15 minutes? Would she really have that reaction?
I can't imagine, unless it somehow triggered something for her. .. Like she had a recent death in the family or something.
Be careful with stuff like that because it feels like a "filler."

I like the names you chose. Jeff, Shari and Kevin. It suits them. :)


Sweet story. Though I felt like the friendship moved too quickly. Very different approach.
I enjoyed accompanying your couple on their honeymoon--didn't even feel like I was bothering them. Good characterization as well as description