The Official Writing Challenge
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05/18/14
Wow! What a concept you have put together here. This begs to be fleshed out into a longer story or novel. I want to know what happens to Abbey and her grandmother. You did an excellent job of getting me to invest in your characters very deeply and very quickly - sign of excellent writing.

More of this story, please? Great job!
05/18/14
Wow. This has me breathless. What will she do? A clifhanger for sure, and spot on topic. Thanks for the super read. This is excellent!
Fascinating. Having spent seventeen years working in a similar cubicle, this story became a bit unnerving. In an eerie way, I had to do an "approving" as a senior health claims analyst for a major insurance company. You never fail to thrill ...
05/19/14
Great writing! You have created a dramatic and rather scary scenario and you've left the readers hanging, wondering what will happen next. This needs a sequel. Well done.
05/19/14
Outstanding concept and I agree with others, this needs to go further. Of course, with a cliffhanger like that, you made that a certainty.

In the second paragraph you wrote: 'As Grandma placed a plate of food in front of her granddaughter, she snorted lightly.'

I felt the 'snorted' was misplaced because the granddaughter was mentioned last. I felt it would read better as: "Grandma snorted lightly as she placed..." Reads smother and easier for me.

You introduced everything in perfect timing and flow and the story just dragged me along for a lovely ride.

Blessings.
05/19/14
P.S. Stop being selfish and enter more often. lol

You really shouldn't deprive us of stories like this. It shows another side of you that many of us haven't or don't see very often. We know the editor, the critique giver and the encourager -- but now we see the writer -- and she is brilliant.

Blessings.
05/19/14
Intensely smooth writing, like silk blowing in a breeze. Excellent work!

God bless~
05/19/14
Wow! Great job and so creative. I only wish you hadn't left us hanging. I want to read more... Well, I mean, kind of. I don't really like either ending, so I'm not sure if I really want more or not. ;)
What a clever and creative concept! Good job.
What more can I say that hasn't already been said? Captivating1 :)