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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 4 – Masters)
Topic: Experiment (02/16/12)

TITLE: Covert Dessert
By Jody Day
02/21/12


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*with apologies to Dr. Suess

I do not like this diet plan.
I do not like it, my wife Jan.

"Would you like no-sugar flan?
Would you like it, Sam my man?"

I do not like no-sugar flan.
I do not like this diet plan,
I do not like it, my wife Jan.

I like my cookies, cakes and pie,
I like my chocolate, thatís no lie.
I do not like this diet plan.
I do not like it, my wife Jan.

"No cookies will go in the hall,
No pies or cakes, nope, none at all.
I will not put them in the fridge.
No sweet desserts, not one small smidge."

Off to the grocery store she went,
This plan of hers Iíll circumvent.
I will not sit alone, inert,
But sneak some good covert dessert.

Usually I fuss and whine
When my snacks I cannot find.
If on this diet she is bent
Iíll try a new experiment
To satisfy my long sweet tooth.
Iíll call upon my cousin Ruth.
Sheíll bring my comfort sugar food
When my cravings strike a mood.

I do not like your diet plan,
I do not like it, my wife Jan.

Dratted thing, Ruthís not on board
And will not help me stash a hoard.
For she is on this diet too,
She and Jan, what will I do?

A sorely failed hypothesis,
But all is surely not amiss
For I have really not forgotten
That Ruthís husband will not cotton
To this forced and cruel starvation
That every new year sweeps the nation.

So I make a real quick call,
But Dan is not a help at all.
Now he too thinks he should reduce
And so I sadly must deduceÖ

Wait, Danís brother is a portly brute,
His help I will now recruit.
But Stan too quickly pointed out
That his middle is too stout.
He will not help me sneak a snack,
Not behind my shrewd Ruthís back.

I do not like this diet plan.
I do not like it, my wife Jan.

Hunger chased me like a fox,
So I went to my ice box.
There I found a real sweet note
Underneath a magnet boat,
Where Ruth declared her love and that
Her husband had grown old and fat,
And that she wanted me to stay
By her side for many days.
Please, would I try a brand new bent,
With healthy food experiment?

How could I spurn such love expressed
And not a new way put to test?
Still, I do not like this diet plan,
I do not like it, my wife Jan.

Now for your love Iíll shed a tear
For sugar sweets, but have no fear
I will join this diet plan
With Jan and Ruth, and Dan and Stan.

(But I donít like it.)


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This article has been read 509 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Ruth Thoutenhoofd02/23/12
This was just great. A laugh out loud poem! Especially since it hits so close to home! (Gave me some ideas for my husband).
Camille (C D) Swanson 02/24/12
Hahahahahaha...Nicely done! The levity and message in this entry was welcomed, and one many of us will relate to.

Good job. God Bless~
Linda Motchman02/24/12
This is one of my favourite Seuss stories/poems too. I am trying to follow a healthy diet plan too. Great story.
Danielle King 02/24/12
Loved it. Still laughing!
Jacqui Cosper02/25/12
I LOVE this. I've read it to my whole family who loved it too!
Martha Black02/29/12
Rebellion melting into compliance because of love. There is the sweet for you. Good job!
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 02/29/12
Oh this is delicious! You had me feeling hungry but resigning to stick to my diet simultaneously. The only tiny red ink is when you said my shrewd Ruth's back, I stooped and thought his wife is Jan. Then I realized what you were saying and was able to continue to read without stopping again to think. It's a fun verse.
Nancy Bucca03/01/12
This definitely winds the award for most funny. I was laughing all over the place. Congratulations on a job well done!
Loren T. Lowery03/01/12
So funny and the poor soul hasn't got a chance. Really enjoyed this and something I could certainly identify with. Congratulations on your EC placement.
Linda Goergen03/01/12
Congratulations on your EC win. I loved this, so funny. Oh the pain of dieting, so true!
Sharon Eastman03/02/12
Great job! Terrific! It inspired me to stick with my (ugh) diet. A nice tribute to Dr. Seuss on his birthday.